Black men learning to open up and talk

AFTER reading “Black men tough it out — until they can’t cope” (April 10), I chose the theme “emotions and troubles are gender-indifferent” to put a few issues across.

I have in recent years started to see a lot of black men in private practice who are taking responsibility not only for themselves but for their children and marriages or relationships. I see black men who are trying to create a better climate of engagement.

This is already a step in the right direction in ensuring that discussions and openness in dealing with problems, difficulties and challenges form an integral part of relationships and family structures.

Men have always been viewed as perpetrators and not victims of domestic violence. They have almost been deemed immune to the scourge of mental health challenges, contrary to women.

We should be informing the public on how many male cases have been reported; no matter how negligible, this will start turning the tide.

I work with males and young men to assist them to connect meaningfully, genuinely and honestly with themselves. This process allows them to be psychologically and emotionally available to others.

The challenge starts with men who are emotionally unavailable because they do not know how to open up with feeling vulnerable.

I help them take the first steps in expressing their emotions, dealing with their deep-seated pain and frustration, desires, needs and unresolved emotional issues.

If the advice to women is to verbalise your problems and negotiate your way through relationships, the same messaging must be directed to men because emotions and troubles are genderindifferent. — Dr Matthews Katjene, psychologist, by e-mail

This is not the ANC I know

“STATE capture: how ‘liberation culture’ damages SA’s future” (April 10) refers. The Constitutional Court judgment seems to be deliberately “misinterpreted” by the ANC cult.

It (the ANC) has proved once again, after starting with the Omar al-Bashir debacle, that it is nothing but a law unto itself. The likes of Cyril Ramaphosa and Naledi Pandor have shown how untrustworthy they are by voting against the impeachment of Zuma, raising serious doubts about Ramaphosa’s moral and ethical responsibilities as a potential successor to Zuma.

This is not the ANC I grew up supporting. What I see now is a bunch of ill-mannered and arrogant adults who will do anything in their power to protect their alpha and omega from Nkandla. Zuma has been given free rein to destroy both the ANC and the country by selfish people who only care about their already-full pockets. — TI Sibilanga, Rustenburg

It’s a family tradition

THE ANC must be thinking the South African government is a family business, a lesson learnt from the Oppenheimers, Guptas, Ackermans, Pepkor’s Wiese, Kaizer Chiefs’ Motaungs, Bush Bucks’ Pasiyas, Maponyas et cetera. — Luyanda Marlon Kama, Port Elizabeth

Sparrow case is chicken feed

“ANC seeks R200 000 hate-speech fine for Sparrow” (April 10) refers.

Is the ANC so desperate to win just one case to make itself credible?

Gwede and Co are going for small fish when they have a worse image than Sparrow. — Grace, by e-mail

A healthy dose of scorn

“ZUMA’S praise singers out of tune” (April 10) refers. What are praise singers for? I’ve tried to understand their usefulness but failed.

If a leader is competent and the people are content, then his reputation goes before him. Modesty should prevail over hubris — no need for any praise. However, if his performance is lacklustre or worse, singing his praises would be hypocrisy — better to keep quiet, therefore singers redundant.

One of the possible reasons Western democracies flourished was the development of “negative praise singing”. It may have started with court jesters — “fools” who could criticise the king, possibly in code, thus preventing poor decisions or restraining irrational behaviour.

This developed into parliaments, opposition parties, the free press, cartoonists and satirists, which helped keep monarchs and presidents on the straight and narrow. All the institutions which are anathema to incompetent, corrupt leaders. — David Lawson, St Lucia

By your pals you’ll be known

ALL of us, including Zuma, will be judged by the company we keep — Guptas, Fransman, et al. — Keith Cousins, by e-mail

Wrathful vision blocks light

“WANT us to ‘get over it’? Send them to jail” (April 10) refers.

A heartless, bloodless report that doesn’t give any balm in Gilead.

The Truth and Reconciliation Commission revelations tore at all our hearts and still do. Nobody says it was a perfect process, but we had to start somewhere. We began to understand better how people can be deceived and exploited, and how political rhetoric works to bludgeon us into generations of hurt and hate.

If we follow Ms Boshomane’s wrathful constructs, no light will come to any of us. Sometimes all you can do is symbolically wash feet by hugging each other and delivering parcels.

As we all struggle towards the light, there has to be forgiveness. The alternative is the death of our divine potential, down the generations. And more pain and tears. — Dot Milne, Illovo Beach

Incalculable Nkandla sums

“TREASURY chief to calculate Nkandla repayment bill” (April 3) refers. My heart goes out to Minister Pravin Gordhan and his team for the daunting task of determining the amount Jacob Zuma must repay.

Is it the (highly inflated) actual cost, or the (probably much lower) “normal” cost? And why only a “reasonable percentage” and not the full amount? Is the taxpayer expected to pay the difference? Why? — Teddy, Pretoria