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FTER 20 years of serial dating, which is different to cereal dating (when you date someone who appears yummy and good for you at first, but later turns out to be really bad for your health). From career-dating through my 20s and 30s, I thought I’d been broken up with in every possible way, until I met The Breakup King. Real name Saul, but let’s call him Dave to protect his reputation.

I met Saul, sorry I mean Dave, one night while having drinks with friends. The subject of dating came up, as it always does, and Dave instantly became our resident expert on “what guys are really thinking” by sheer virtue of the fact that he was the only guy at our table. One of the women was in a tenuous Tinder thing, so she wanted to chat about that. She shared a recent text conversation and wanted to know if the guy was breaking up with her ninjastyle. So we turned to “Dave”.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’ve never broken up with a girl. I made them all break up with me.”

And so followed the discovery of a new species of breakup I’d never come across in the wild before, which we took the liberty of naming The Nicest