Having a say. . .
On being fired from Tuks campus radio for airing a segment about black and white penis sizes:
“[The manager] called me into her office and asked me if I’d like to resign or be fired. I told her to fire me, if she had the balls. It turned out she had a pair of great big, wrinkly, hangy, hairy balls.”
On white males and censorship:
“So what can and can’t a white man say in South Africa in 2016? Some people will advise you to say as little as possible, like the big corporations who don’t want to cause trouble with government or the loudmouths on social media. I say that’s nonsense. If you’re not free to say what you think, you’re really not free, even if what you say is wrong.”
On his breakthrough show on 702:
“I was 23, doing a show with an audience whose average age was that of my parents, and I was attracting attention. SAfm put out an ad with a picture of a nappy and the line: ‘We don’t need to change our presenters.’ F**k you, I thought, I’m going to make this work. I’m going to win.”
On media scrutiny of his love life:
“I’m thick-skinned enough to brush off bad press, but relationships are hard enough without the scrutiny of vultures in search of bad news just to make people feel better about their own pathetic lives . . . It’s almost impossible to go on a regular date, let alone having dinner with a female friend, without it popping up in some or other tabloid as my new love interest. And if it happens to be a male friend, that means I must be gay.”
On breaking up with Nicole Fox:
“Nicole and I were together for two fantastic years, and I cried like a little puppy when we broke up. We were both building our careers and the personal needs were encroaching.”
On being smooched by Julianne Moore at the Oscars in 2004:
“This hot woman turned her head, looked me up and down and asked where I was from. ‘South Africa,’ I said matter-offactly. She leaned in and kissed me, full on the lips. Before the kiss was even over I felt like someone had set my balls on fire. It was Julianne Moore. She said nothing more, got up and walked away before I could even figure out what had happened.” On making money: “I want to live well while exercising my objectives, in luxury and happiness and with as many options as I can exploit at any given time. Mine will not be a life of suffering or deprivation. There is no nobility in poverty. I want to make myself happy so that there is surplus happiness for everyone else.”