‘It happened to my grandmother, my mother and me’
Shereen*, 34, mother of a son, nine, and daughter, 17
Her son is writing lines in his school book: “I will respect my mother.”
“He broke a window after I told him not to play rough,” the former recruitment officer says. She is the house mother at the shelter now, and her kids are at school while she looks for a job.
Her partner had beaten her for as long as she remembered, but it got worse when she was retrenched.
“It was because I was reliant on him, I think. It is not as easy as people make it seem, to leave. You are used to routine. Even if it is abuse, it is a routine.
“I had to retrain my emotions, to question my relationship. When I was missing him, I had to ask, ‘What am I missing?’ You sugar-coat things and make it rosy when it’s not.”
The cycle started with her grandmother, who fell pregnant at 16 and was forced into marriage. “I fell pregnant at 16. My mum was also 16 when she had me. From age nine to about 13, I was molested. At 23, I found out I was the product of rape. It explained why my mother was never close to me. I wish I had known all those years.”
In her last relationship, after a horrific bout of violence, she spoke to her kids and together they made the decision to leave. “I had R5, I knocked on doors and asked for help. We had R33 to come to town.”
They found themselves at Bethany Home, and were approved to move in.
“I was afraid, but the psychologist helped me to be firm. This was a chance for my daughter. She doesn’t deserve to have this family curse. This life is not punishment for me, because of what my mum went through. No. I don’t need to go through it and it wasn’t my fault.”
The bamboo plants on the windowsill were donated to the home. Shereen rescued them, and they are sprouting.
She has business plans and idea maps taped on the walls of her room.
She hugs her son when he completes the pages of lines. “I don’t ever hit him, but I know I need to teach him respect.”
And a note to her girl. “Never give up. Your name means conquer.”
She already has — she just turned 17.