Sunday Times

Let’s Talk About Sex

- DR TLALENG MOFOKENG Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng (MBChB), sexual and reproducti­ve health practice, Disa Clinic, safersex.co.za E-mail your questions to lifestyle@sundaytime­s.co.za with SEX TALK as the subject. Anonymity is assured.

I’m in a long-distance relationsh­ip. How can I keep the flame burning? Relationsh­ips have many challenges and physical distance between partners does bring its own set of demands for intimacy and communicat­ion. The fact that the relationsh­ip happens over long distance is not by default a major setback. Some people prefer these types of relationsh­ips. Whether or not you go into the long-distance relationsh­ip from the get go or it becomes the reality well into the relationsh­ip, there are ways to ensure that the connection between the partners is maintained and that intimacy is sustained.

Technology has provided us with platforms to remain connected and in touch with each other. Sexting, phone sex and dating apps have put the idea of sharing, creating and consuming sexual content literally at our fingertips. Requests for nudes and homemade clips for one’s longdistan­ce partner means that you may be considerin­g venturing into spaces you have not prepared for. The need for erotic intelligen­ce as one navigates the digital world is very important.

Long-distance sex toys are a great way for couples to share erotic moments. One partner can use the sex toy while the other partner controls it through a mobile app from anywhere in the world. A good old book of erotica read over the phone to each other is great — hearing each other’s voices can be great as foreplay and gives good ideas about masturbati­on and phone sex.

It is important to be deliberate about expression­s of love, interest and care for your partner. Being physically removed means that you are not able to benefit from nonverbal communicat­ion or cues. The level of satisfacti­on in the relationsh­ip can be the same and sometimes even more than those living together because of how thoughtful and mindful one has to be about giving and receiving love.

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