If there is such a per­son, where do find him or her? Where do you even start look­ing?

Sunday Times - - Relationships - WORDS BY Paige Nick

This week I’ve been think­ing a lot about soul­mates. Yours mostly, as I don’t have one.

I’ve been think­ing about how some be­lieve there’s just one per­fect match out there for each of us. Oth­ers be­lieve your soul­mate can be a pla­tonic re­la­tion­ship too, some­one you have a deeper con­nec­tion with, or a nat­u­ral un­der­stand­ing of each other’s in­ner work­ings. And if that per­son does some­how end up be­ing your life part­ner too, you win a toaster oven.

I don’t know, man.

Say there is such a thing, call me a cap­i­tal­ist, but a tril­lion bucks to the first per­son who fig­ures out how to find yours. So, let’s get sci­en­tific and try to nar­row down the search.

As of writ­ing this, just a few days be­fore you’re read­ing it, the pop­u­la­tion of the planet was sit­ting at … wait, I don’t know how to say this num­ber (stay in school kids), it’s a seven with nine numbers af­ter it, is that seven, al­most eight bil­lion? Okay so it’s a lot. And the in­ter­net says that the ma­jor­ity of these po­ten­tial soul­mates are lo­cated in China, In­dia and sur­rounds. We’d bet­ter get our visa ap­pli­ca­tions in.

What if your soul­mate doesn’t even speak English? Though I sup­pose that’s im­pos­si­ble; the very def­i­ni­tion of a soul­mate is some­one who meta­phys­i­cally speaks your lan­guage.

And there’s more math we can do to nar­row the hunt down even fur­ther. If we as­sume that your soul­mate is within the same gen­eral age group as you, then each of us is left with maybe just over half a bil­lion po­ten­tial mates. One in half a bil­lion can’t be that hard to find, can they? Though to be fair, I feel like I’ve been on dates with more than half of that al­ready. But then I’m not even lucky enough to find a park­ing space in town, so what are the chances that my one in half a bil­lion uni­corn-- per­son goes to the same stretch and mo­bilise class as me at Core Fitness, or will be be­hind me in the queue at Home Af­fairs tomorrow?

And then there’s modern medicine to con­tend with. I’m no doc­tor, and I dropped out of ad school, so don’t quote me on this, but does the soul even ex­ist med­i­cally? Is it an or­gan or a lig­a­ment, or a net­work of mus­cles? And if so, where is it lo­cated? Be­hind the kid­neys and to the right of the kishkes? Next to the ap­pen­dix? Would med­i­cal aid cover it, if yours was bro­ken, and you needed it op­er­ated on? What’s the Dis­cov­ery hospi­tal au­tho­ri­sa­tion code for that?

So, nah, I don’t think soul­mates ex­ist. I do, how­ever. think that re­la­tion­ships that suc­ceed more than oth­ers, ex­ist. And that well­matched cou­ples who both work hard to keep their re­la­tion­ship to­gether, ex­ist. And I be­lieve that tim­ing ex­ists.

Say you meet some­one who is your per­fect match, but you’re still in high school. You both still need to study, travel, make a lot of bad de­ci­sions, get a stupid tat­too and a job, change your per­son­al­ity half a dozen times and go your own ways, be­fore you’re ready to com­mit and set­tle down. Or what if you meet your soul­matey type, but you’re al­ready mar­ried with three kids, and your per­fect per­son is head­ing off to a silent Bud­dhist re­treat? Or what if you walk past each other a dozen times through­out your life, but you’re both look­ing down at your phone ev­ery sin­gle time? So, add to the fact that you have to not only find your right per­son, but you also have to find them at the ex­act right time and place in both your lives too. It’s re­la­tion­ship al­ge­bra.

But I also be­lieve that tequila and wine and whisky ex­ist, and that helps cre­ate soul­mates too.


ILLUSTRATION nu­volanevi­cata

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