Melancholia disguised by a rich life
● His work has been featured in magazines and websites, he is a sought-after interior designer and was living the high life.
But behind the façade, Gareth Henderson had barely slept for months and, at times, was preoccupied with thoughts of dying.
With a flourishing design business, Henderson’s outward triumphs belied his struggle within. “I reached out to people and told them I couldn’t cope and they dropped me. They took a look at my life and told me I was fine. ‘He drives a Land Rover and has his own company’ — and they kept telling me I was fine, and I wasn’t,” he said.
The Durban-based designer said that a confluence of factors seemed to trigger his depression. “When you design things you’re putting yourself out there and I always feel as if it’s risky … One of my employees left on maternity leave, then another and then a third resigned, and that all happened inside a week when I was launching. My grandmother died and it was like a confluence of factors. I could see the storm cloud coming.”
For months he’d wrestled with sleep deprivation and melancholy, before his doctor diagnosed him with depression.
“I was diagnosed with depression in November and it brought about relief because finally I had a reason for feeling the way I did,” said the 35-year-old.
“While I felt relief at the fact that I was diagnosed, your depression starts becoming your identity, and that is not healthy at all.”
Henderson said that medication in isolation is not a cure-all.
“I don’t think medication is the way out of depression. It may be for other people, but not for me. Being a creative, I think you are in some way predisposed to depression.
“I tried to get other areas of my life — like exercising, eating healthily and connecting with a solid community of friends — on track. I did that as much as I could and when I felt there was nothing more in my power that I could do, I went to the doctor,” he said.