Suicide puts the spotlight on the depression of black men

Romeo Malepe — graphic designer

“When I was in high school I was constantly bullied and one day I told my mother that I was going to kill myself.

“My mother said to me that will be a stupid decision and people would be sad but after two weeks they would’ve forgotten about me.

“I was looking for attention and crying for help. Instead of my mom saying let’s look into this matter, I was left to solve it myself.”

Born in the Vaal Triangle, Malepe moved to Johannesburg, where he studied advertising at the Vega School.

“I thought changing cities and being at college would help, but the feeling of wanting to kill myself never left. Instead I had more problems.

“My bursary only covered my tuition fees and I slept under the desk at school and washed in a basin. I was hungry most of the time but I survived.”

Malepe lived this life for two years “and all the time I wanted to kill myself”.

He said: “I’d planned how I was going to hang myself and someone would walk in and start speaking sense as if they knew I was about to kill myself, and make me feel stupid.

“The feeling of wanting to kill myself never left me and that to me is depression. ”

He said because he didn’t come from a family with strong cultural traditions he ignored certain emotions.

“I became an alcoholic and suppressed most of my feelings but I still felt the same way when I was sober. You think drugs and alcohol will make it better but it doesn’t.”

A month ago Malepe, 37, took the cultural route and consulted a traditional healer. “This is after I dreamt a traditional healer was driving my car and taking me up the mountain.

“I realised that a part of my problems was also that I didn’t know who I was and my ancestors have been trying to connect with me through dreams.

“I consulted with a couple of traditional healers to tell me what the dream meant and all of them said I needed to do a ritual ceremony. “So far my panic attacks are gone.

“It was my mother’s side of the family that was trying to make a connection with me.”

Malepe recommends therapy as well as traditional healing.

“Therapists know what they are talking about because they have studied the brain, but people should also know the importance of traditional healers.

“We’ve been brainwashed by religion which calls our traditional ways witchcraft.

“We’ve lost identity with who we are due to the impact of colonialism and apartheid.”

Dr Jan Chabalala — psychiatrist with the South African Depression and Anxiety Group

“Culture affects the way we think and a lot of us have dismantled culture.

“We live in nuclear families in the suburb whereas before, a child was raised by a village and could talk to their aunts or uncles when they couldn’t talk to their parents. Now there isn’t that kind of support.”

He said black people were left not knowing how to solve their own problems or where to seek a solution.

“After I’ve wasted my time with my Western knowledge, I suggest the traditional route,” he said.

“We are now saying African culture needs to be acknowledged to find solutions to mental health.”

Because black people were never educated about mental health, everything wrong with a child is considered boloyi or being bewitched, he said.

“And a lot of black men grow up keeping everything in because they were raised not to cry and they become aggressive and abuse substances, which leads to the abuse of their wives, girlfriends and children.”

Vuyo Temba — clinical psychologist

“Depression is affiliated with evil and violence, or referred to as a disability and people don’t want to be associated with it,” said Temba.

She said black people often went through life without understanding mental illness and black men weren’t allowed to show vulnerability.

“We often overlook the trauma they go through, like racism at work and inequality in the system.

“In the last three to four years it’s been affected by economic challenges in the country.”

Younger men were more likely to visit a therapist than the older generation.

“When they notice a change in behaviour they’re quick to want to find out what’s going on with them.”

Mathole Motshekga — cultural activist and founder of Kara Heritage Institute

“There’s a lot of turmoil because children don’t know who their fathers are, and mothers don’t want to tell these children and then they die and the child is left with a life full of questions.

“Now we’ve started neglecting our own languages and then a child hears voices and those voices don’t speak English.”

Motshekga said returning to one’s roots was very important.

“Children don’t know who to engage with and there’s the identity crisis of living in two worlds, and you can’t identify with one and can’t find yourself in another.”