Sunday Times

HOG­A­RTH

- Democratic Alliance (South Africa) · Gupta family · United Arab Emirates · African National Congress · White House · United Nations General Assembly · United Nations · United States of America · U.S. government

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Re­vamp turns out to be a clamp

Ukhon­golose, aka the congress move­ment, the rul­ing party or Cup­cake’s spaza shop, is no­to­ri­ous for not pay­ing its bills. So when a ser­vice provider that hosts its web­site asked for R32m in out­stand­ing pay­ments, Ukhon­golose’s mo­tor­mouth, Pule Mabe, left, tried to sound smart, which is a chal­lenge for him. He claimed his or­gan­i­sa­tion did not owe any­one R32m and that the web­site was sim­ply be­ing “re­vamped”. That did not go down well with the ser­vice provider, who de­cided to do his own “re­vamp”.

The next day, any­one who tried to ac­cess the site was greeted by the fol­low­ing dis­claimer: “This web­site is sus­pended due to non­pay­ment to the ser­vice provider.”

Mys­tery sur­rounds Zondo

There was se­crecy and in­trigue at the state cap­ture com­mis­sion on Thurs­day. Jour­nal­ists were warned not to take pic­tures of a wit­ness be­fore he tes­ti­fied. Hog­a­rth was hop­ing that Baba kaDuduzane would fi­nally make an ap­pear­ance and tell judge Ray­mond Zondo what he and his Sax­on­wold friends had got up to. So they may have been dis­ap­pointed when the wit­ness turned out to be not Baba, but hu­man rights lawyer Brian Cur­rin, who had slipped into the room un­no­ticed. The low pro­file may ex­plain how Cur­rin and two whistle­blow­ers, “Stan” and “John”, could keep the hard drives with the Gupta e-mails hid­den for so long. A round of Hog­a­rth’s favourite tip­ple to these he­roes.

Moosey’s not the small­est show

Baba kaD might not have turned up at the Zondo com­mis­sion but there was a con­so­la­tion prize. DA leader and al­most premier Moosey Maimane ar­rived with his blue troupe to protest against some­thing. Hog­a­rth is run­ning a com­pe­ti­tion for the small­est, most in­signif­i­cant protest at Hill on Em­pire. So far, Andile Mngxi­tama and his Blacks Last Gup­tas First posse are in pole po­si­tion. Don’t worry Moosey, Hog­a­rth is hold­ing thumbs that you might even­tu­ally get some­thing right.

Gup­tas make no bones about it

The net might be clos­ing in on the Gup­tas with an ex­tra­di­tion treaty signed by SA and the UAE. But they are still try­ing their best to show that state cap­ture was a mis­un­der­stand­ing and that wit­nesses have told big fat lies about them. Ajay Gupta says for­mer ANC MP Vytjie Men­tor lied when she said she was at his house and ate mut­ton curry there. “We are of the Hindu re­li­gion and main­tain a strictly veg­e­tar­ian diet. It is anath­ema to sug­gest that meat of any form, let alone in the form of chopped-up sheep, would be al­lowed to en­ter our home.” Maybe it’s just crooked politi­cians who are diced and served up.

Sleep­ing cops wake up

Se­cu­rity was tight at par­lia­ment this week. The cops who guard the precinct were not tak­ing any chances, body-search­ing and screen­ing vis­i­tors and staff. The tragic sui­cide of a staffer who snuck in a firearm and shot him­self in his of­fice had wo­ken the cops from their slum­ber. How­ever, they went overboard, re­fus­ing en­trance to peo­ple with gen­uine rea­sons to be in the precinct. One of those was deputy Speaker Lech­esa Tsenoli. He kept his cool when a po­lice­man re­fused him en­try to the premises. It was left to em­bar­rassed par­lia­men­tary staff to res­cue their boss from the men in blue. “Don’t you know this is the deputy Speaker?” asked one staffer in frus­tra­tion as the cops stood their ground.

Bunga bunga man at Unga

Unga could be the sound an orang­utan makes when it sees its favourite food: tree leaves, trop­i­cal fruit and in­sects. Unga could also be our collective ex­pres­sion of shock when we re­alise that the clown in charge at the White House also con­trols the big­gest nu­clear arse­nal in the world and can cre­ate Ar­maged­don with his tiny fin­gers. But Unga is the acro­nym for United Na­tions Gen­eral Assem­bly. When the or­ange one claimed at Unga this week that his ad­min­is­tra­tion had achieved more in its brief time at the White House than any other US ad­min­is­tra­tion in history, world lead­ers all burst into laugh­ter. Unga, Don­ald! LOL!

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