HOGARTH
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Revamp turns out to be a clamp
Ukhongolose, aka the congress movement, the ruling party or Cupcake’s spaza shop, is notorious for not paying its bills. So when a service provider that hosts its website asked for R32m in outstanding payments, Ukhongolose’s motormouth, Pule Mabe, left, tried to sound smart, which is a challenge for him. He claimed his organisation did not owe anyone R32m and that the website was simply being “revamped”. That did not go down well with the service provider, who decided to do his own “revamp”.
The next day, anyone who tried to access the site was greeted by the following disclaimer: “This website is suspended due to nonpayment to the service provider.”
Mystery surrounds Zondo
There was secrecy and intrigue at the state capture commission on Thursday. Journalists were warned not to take pictures of a witness before he testified. Hogarth was hoping that Baba kaDuduzane would finally make an appearance and tell judge Raymond Zondo what he and his Saxonwold friends had got up to. So they may have been disappointed when the witness turned out to be not Baba, but human rights lawyer Brian Currin, who had slipped into the room unnoticed. The low profile may explain how Currin and two whistleblowers, “Stan” and “John”, could keep the hard drives with the Gupta e-mails hidden for so long. A round of Hogarth’s favourite tipple to these heroes.
Moosey’s not the smallest show
Baba kaD might not have turned up at the Zondo commission but there was a consolation prize. DA leader and almost premier Moosey Maimane arrived with his blue troupe to protest against something. Hogarth is running a competition for the smallest, most insignificant protest at Hill on Empire. So far, Andile Mngxitama and his Blacks Last Guptas First posse are in pole position. Don’t worry Moosey, Hogarth is holding thumbs that you might eventually get something right.
Guptas make no bones about it
The net might be closing in on the Guptas with an extradition treaty signed by SA and the UAE. But they are still trying their best to show that state capture was a misunderstanding and that witnesses have told big fat lies about them. Ajay Gupta says former ANC MP Vytjie Mentor lied when she said she was at his house and ate mutton curry there. “We are of the Hindu religion and maintain a strictly vegetarian diet. It is anathema to suggest that meat of any form, let alone in the form of chopped-up sheep, would be allowed to enter our home.” Maybe it’s just crooked politicians who are diced and served up.
Sleeping cops wake up
Security was tight at parliament this week. The cops who guard the precinct were not taking any chances, body-searching and screening visitors and staff. The tragic suicide of a staffer who snuck in a firearm and shot himself in his office had woken the cops from their slumber. However, they went overboard, refusing entrance to people with genuine reasons to be in the precinct. One of those was deputy Speaker Lechesa Tsenoli. He kept his cool when a policeman refused him entry to the premises. It was left to embarrassed parliamentary staff to rescue their boss from the men in blue. “Don’t you know this is the deputy Speaker?” asked one staffer in frustration as the cops stood their ground.
Bunga bunga man at Unga
Unga could be the sound an orangutan makes when it sees its favourite food: tree leaves, tropical fruit and insects. Unga could also be our collective expression of shock when we realise that the clown in charge at the White House also controls the biggest nuclear arsenal in the world and can create Armageddon with his tiny fingers. But Unga is the acronym for United Nations General Assembly. When the orange one claimed at Unga this week that his administration had achieved more in its brief time at the White House than any other US administration in history, world leaders all burst into laughter. Unga, Donald! LOL!