HOGARTH
I’ll know you if you know me
Our No 2, who is also known as The Cat, is big in Mpumalanga. Legend has it that during his time as premier, he had the entire province under his thumb. The Cat wielded so much power that his detractors claim not even a cleaner could be hired in the smallest municipality without his say-so. Such power came with fame, and he was the province’s most recognisable politician. Now that he is the second-most powerful man in Madiba’s republic, you would expect David Mabuza’s fame to glide beyond the green hills of Mpumalanga. But not when he went to the Nkandla Crooner’s backyard to convince citizens of the Kingdom to spend Saturday with McBuffalo. At one home in Howick, an elderly woman was basking in the sun.
No 2’s corruption-accused sidekick, Mike Mabuyakhulu, asked her if she knew who The Cat was. She responded: “Does he know me?” Scribes couldn’t hold their laughter.
Another failure of facial recognition
Another Luthuli House bigwig humbled by the citizens of the Kingdom was one Paul Mashatile. The Don of the Alex Mafia walked around in Durban expecting the hero’s welcome he gets when he goes to Alex, but there was no facial recognition. He was so nondescript, he had to be introduced as he embarked on a walkabout, with entourage in tow, at the famous Workshop shopping centre, to drum up an audience for the ANC’s manifesto launch in Durban. One gogo repeatedly asked about the identity of the lanky man walking around giving out pamphlets. Gogo wore a blank stare when she was told that he was the TG (treasurer-general) of the ANC. She didn’t look convinced. And they say they no longer need the Nkandla Crooner. Sigh!
Now for bridal recognition …
Speaking of Baba kaDuduzane, the dynamics of the unholy alliance between him and McBuffalo, arranged by the ANC, were laid bare in KwaZulu-Natal this week. Cupcake, like a new bride visiting her husband's family for the first time, relinquished all criticism to praise the ground Baba kaD walked on — all so his predecessor’s KwaZuluNatal family would accept him. Cyril is like an Arsenal fan who complains about the Gunners’ k*k performance but still dons the red and white jersey with pride.
Political party pin (PPPN)
Baba kaD’s supporters are tired of pretending to like McBuffalo. One by one they are leaving the once glorious movement to form their own stokvels. It started with Baba’s cheerleaders in KwaZulu-Natal, who formed the Mazibuye African Congress. Not to be outdone, the Cloudy One formed the African Content Movement. Most recently it has emerged that before Not-Jimmy Manyi went to the African Transformation Movement (ATM), he was in the process of setting up his own spaza shop — the AllAfrica Decolonisation Congress (AADC). However, his friends in the AADC expelled him even before the party was launched. They’ve also accused him of making off with money his buddies the Guptas donated to launch the AADC. The funds have since been deposited into the account of the ATM, they claim. One observer summed it up nicely: “Money [Manyi] ran with the pin to the ATM.”
Cloudy, with a hint of megalomania
Abored colleague decided to give the Cloudy One a ring this week, to ask how he was doing after he set up his very own party. He was in high spirits and didn’t waste time, boasting about moving to his new offices in downtown Johannesburg. “The CBD was on standstill when I arrived this morning. Everyone wanted to talk to president Hlaudi.”
Unbelievable! First the SABC, now SA!
Just call me Madiba
Is it Mandela? Is it Obama?
No, it’s the cleric turned leader of the official opposition, Mmusi Maimane, in another staged Twitter photo. Remember how during the festive season he would pose, seemingly on holiday, sporting a dashiki or a Mandela Tshirt, reading one cheesy motivational book after another? This time the stage act didn’t work that well. He forgot to check out the colours of the latest Mandela T-shirt, which he was wearing on Friday … official ANC colours! Supporters of the governing party could not help but share pictures of their latest “recruit”.