TRUMP-SPEAK
Ladies and gentlemen, the leader of the free world in his own words
Losers writing fake news. Sad!
You losers, this “statesman”* stuff is for sad dopes and total phonies. I may be 72 but there is nothing “elder statesmanlike” about me, OK — that doctor said so. This witch hunt is reporting that is terrible and highly inaccurate. I am the best and biggest president yet — Fox news said so. Just because I walked in front of that old queen, doesn’t mean I am a total lowlife. So biased. Nobody knows this stuff better than me.
It is just truly weird to me that people don’t find my Indian accent funny. Just ask that Indian prime minister if he likes it? You have to be dumb as a rock or bleeding from a bad facelift not to laugh. Fake news will never cover me accurately but who cares? Nobody in the history of this country has ever known so much as Donald Trump.
The biased morons just don’t get it. Low-life rats. They hate that I can get the honest and unfiltered message out. Take all those people I fired like dogs. I have nothing against dogs except for losers who choke like dogs. Sad! A dumb group of crooked, total frauds. So dishonest. I understand the system better than almost anybody. OK?
All those establishment dopes, they are all talk and no action dummies. Now, I am presidential material. Not like those no-talent, failing, irrelevant wacky nut jobs out to get me. And please explain what they have against Putin — they are going crazy with their conspiracy theories and blind crooked hatred. Terrible. Very unfair! Don’t let them fool you. It’s a scam, a pile of garbage. Sadly weak. Been losing so long they don’t know how to win anymore. I know more than any human on Earth.
Don’t get me started on Mexico, low-level degenerates, the No 1 most dangerous country in the world, just ranked the second-deadliest country in the world. They are not our friend. No wonder their rankings have tanked. I know more about everything.
I have set a ridiculous standard. My
VERY SICK AND DERANGED. A TOTAL CON JOB. A FRAUD AND A HOAX, THEIR RATINGS ARE WAY DOWN
presidency is the best. Never mind the p*ssies, I mean dogs saying otherwise. They are major sleaze bags and buffoons. Degenerate animals, very sick and deranged. They are a total con job. A fraud and a hoax, their ratings are way down. Not like mine. I am the best, and getting massive tax breaks while at the same time disrespecting our country. If they continue to treat me so badly, I am going to stop watching. Nobody even understands it but me. I know a lot. More than I am ever going to tell you. I’m the best. I’m the king. ● LS
* ”Statesman” is defined as a political leader whose wisdom and integrity win great respect — one who possesses special knowledge of how to rule justly and well and to have the best interests of the citizens at heart.
This article is composed almost entirely of the statesman-in-chief’s Twitter utterances.