History of Etiquette
Etiquette is defined as a set of customs and rules for polite behaviour, especially among a particular class of people or in a particular profession. At its best it lubricates the wheels of social interaction with others: we know what is expected of us, when. Polished manners are an equaliser. Etiquette and manners are born out of consideration for others: making a point of speaking to the person on either side of you at a dinner table (and appearing to find them interesting even if they are not) is simply good manners. Writing a thank-you letter or e-mail to the hosts the next day is courtesy. And you’ll likely be invited back.
At its worst, etiquette is highly exclusionary, such as when aristocratic writer Nancy Mitford set out the secret rules of society in 1954 in an essay titled “The English Aristocracy”. Using the “U and Non-U” (upper class and non-upper class) terms coined by a linguistics professor, it listed the arcane class indicators the elite used to distinguish themselves from the dread middle classes. The greatest insult was to be seen as “common”.
So “pudding” is U, “dessert” is Non-U, “napkin” is U, “serviette” is Non-U. Don’t ask to use the toilet in a posh house: it has to be the lavatory, and a posh woman wears scent, not perfume. Use the word “mirror” in those days instead of “looking glass” and you’d be clocked as a rube.
Much Western etiquette has its roots in ancient history. For instance, it may simply be seen as hygienic to cover one’s mouth when yawning. In fact, centuries ago, yawns were thought to be the soul leaving the body, allowing evil spirits to enter, so covering the mouth kept the soul inside. Shaking hands in greeting was a means of establishing that neither party was armed, and the custom of a woman walking on a man’s right came about because his sword was sheathed on his left and therefore dangerous to her.
Tipping one’s hat comes from the days of knights flipping up their visors as a show of friendliness and trust.
Saying “Bless you” when someone sneezes hails from Pope Gregory 1, who commanded that anyone who sneezed should be blessed lest they had contracted the plague.
Which brings us to “sick”. “Ill” was Non-U, said Mitford. Sick was correct. One wonders what she would have thought of the current usage of the word. ● LS
Much etiquette has its roots in ancient history