Let’s Talk About Sex
I have found women attractive, even throughout my marriage to a man. I’m now in love with a woman. What should I do?
It is not necessarily the case that people in long-term relationships or marriage will only ever find other people attractive or fall in love with other people because there is something wrong or lacking with their current partner or relationship.
Window shopping
Attraction, lust and so-called “window shopping” are part of the experience and, granted, many others never develop these feelings or have an inquisitiveness outside of their primary relationships. But they are not inherently problematic. It is often what happens as a result of these attractions and what has been defined as infidelity in the current relationship. The assumption is that your marriage is a monogamous one and there has not been a renegotiation of expectations and your current feelings for someone else may be seen as cheating.
Heterosexuality assumed
The gender of the person you are in love with is not the issue, though we still live in a society where heterosexuality is assumed on certain people and being currently married to a man makes the assumption likely. Your gender orientation may become centred in the discussions about why the marriage is not working for you.
Therapy
There is a lot to consider and figuring out what you want to do may take time. Talk to a good therapist to help you in this process. Individual therapy and couple therapy will assist in figuring out the situation and managing any fallout. LS