INTERNATIONAL TRAVELLERS OF MYSTERY
So there I was in my leafy suburb, planning our overseas holiday. Unfortunately, my finances were a disaster. No-one would accept my VBS Mutual Bank credit card, plus I’d made a bad investment in Steinhoff. The fact was I could not afford an overseas holiday, even “out of season”. I should have hedged my rands, but I had been undecided — unlike most South Africans, the most decisive people in the world. You can’t sit on the fence in SA anymore: they are all electrified. However, with load-shedding, maybe not. I had a reputation for being smart, and always dishing out financial advice. If the truth came out about my money problems, what would my friends and the chaps at the golf club say?
To save face, I decided to go along with the pretence of going abroad, though we’d actually decided to fly to Bloemfontein.
Why there? Well, not many locals holiday there, so we weren’t likely to be spotted by anyone we knew.
In preparation, my wife collected printed labels for sticking on our bags — London, Paris and Rome. Prior to departure, we were seen hanging about the travel agents’ offices at the local mall.
We bought a few quality T-shirts, then we went onto the Internet at a local printing shop. The picture of “Lake Como, Italy” on my
T-shirt, made in SA, looks good.
To familiarise ourselves with our supposed destinations, we used Google Earth — checking out, for example, the Eiffel Tower in Paris from the comfort of our home. It is much more convenient than standing in an overcrowded Metro to get there.
Friends drove us to the airport two hours before our flight. Clutching our passports, my wife said, “I hope the weather is nicer in
London.”
We then sneaked over to Domestic Departures for our flight to Bloemfontein.
We had a relaxing time in Bloem staying at
Mrs Koekemoer’s Guesthouse, where we braaied every night and ate plenty of koeksisters.
We also read many travel books on the places we were supposedly visiting.
We sent off many e-mails to friends, who, of course, thought they were coming from Europe. “Having a wonderful time, wish you were here.”
My friends won’t read this — they are having a real holiday overseas, and my golfing mates are teeing off in Portugal.
The main talking point of many South
Africans going abroad has always been the prices — not the atmosphere, the art, or the sights, but the prices. Boy, we love to compete.
“I paid R124 for a cheese-and-tomato sandwich in Oxford.”
“Man, that’s nothing; I paid R175 for a hamburger in Hamburg.”
So it was most important that we invented some expensive horror stories for after-dinner chit-chat on our return home. “Guess what I paid for a croissant and coffee in Paris … R 194! I tell you it’s unreal.”
We really enjoyed our staycation and can highly recommend Bloemfontein. The people are friendly and the city has been voted the most desirable in the country to live in.
Plus, with the savings we made, we can just afford the new petrol prices, and can save up for a generator.
Do you have a funny or quirky story about your travels? Send 600 words to travelmag@sundaytimes.co.za and include a recent photo of yourself for publication with the column.