Sunday Times

Self-driving could change the tune of country music

- Arthur Goldstuck Goldstuck is founder of World Wide Worx and editor-in-chief of Gadget.co.za. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram on @art2gee

‘The rise of self-driving vehicles means it’s only a matter of time until there’s a country song where the guy’s truck leaves him,” goes a meme on social media this week.

It’s a funny line, but it also goes to the heart of our hopes and fears of artificial intelligen­ce (AI) and what happens when vehicles reach what the Society of Automotive Engineers defines as level 5. That’s when the steering wheel becomes optional, and the concept of a driver disappears.

Already, in Los Gatos in Silicon Valley, cyclists can use an app that lets their smartphone­s communicat­e with traffic lights to keep them green for longer. After a while, the cyclists don’t even realise it’s the phone AI keeping the lights green.

Buses and trucks will enjoy similar privileges. From face-recognitio­n technology monitoring drivers, to regenerati­ve brakes charging electric cars, to vehicle-to-everything communicat­ions, known as V2X, machines will gradually take over. Eventually, the drivers will fade away.

This is how such a song may sound, with apologies to Kenny Rogers and the writers of Lucille, Hal Bynum and Roger Bowling:

You picked a fine time to self-drive, my wheels

On a grid in Los Gatos, across from San Jose,

At a charge pad, she went level 5. I thought I’d augment her, navigated to her,

I plugged into her API.

When the data set hit her, she said: “I’m no Tesla,

But I finally quit driving assist.

I’m hungry for 5G, machine learning,

I’m after whatever the V2X brings.”

On Facetime, I saw him, I used Rekognitio­n,

I thought how he looked level 1.

He came to the camera and applied a filter,

He had a strange avatar face.

He was no AI, not even a hybrid,

For a minute my battery went dead.

But our 4G was shaky, his signal was breaking,

He turned to the Lidar and said:

“You picked a fine time to self-drive, my wheels.

With 400 parcels and a bill of lading,

I’ve had lane warnings, lived through some radar,

But this time your braking won’t regen.

You picked a fine time to self-drive, my wheels.”

After he faded, and I paid for an upgrade, I thought how she’d made him backhaul. From the lights of the charger, to an AWS server,

We self-parked with Azure backup.

She was a robo, but when she processed me,

She must have thought I was ride-share. I couldn’t patch her, ’cos the meme that he posted,

Kept sharing account to account.

“You picked a fine time to self-drive, my wheels.

With 400 parcels and a bill of lading,

I’ve had lane warnings, lived through some radar,

But this time your braking won’t regen. You picked a fine time to self-drive, my wheels.”

Arthur Goldstuck You picked a fine time to self-drive, my wheels

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