ALL THAT TWISTED DNA
Popular science lets you explore the childhood fantasy of not being related to your appalling family, writes
Iwasn’t adopted. A freckle riding high on the surface of my lower left leg — as if embossed like a letter on an ancient book’s cover — proves as much. I’ve noticed the same freckle on my niece’s lower leg at the exact same spot with the exact same amount of embossing. I’ve not seen the freckle in photographs of my grandfathers — granted, they were rarely photographed in shorts — ditto my grandmothers and great grandmothers, regrettably both photographed only once, those times with their calves folded neatly underneath a chair. For everyone who thinks they might be adopted, myheritage.com is the place to go. “Find new relatives” is their main offer — a proposition that can easily read “find a new life” if one of their DNA kits brings the happy news that your current crew is a bunch of strangers. And it’s easy to use. You can sign up via your Facebook or Google accounts and pay with Visa or Mastercard PLUS for a limited time only myheritage.com offers an “End of Summer special with twenty-five percent off all DNA kits”. Finding your real parents has never been this easy.
The site goes on to claim that “with precise geographic detail and clear-cut historical insights, we connect you to the places in the world where your story started — from unique regions to living relatives” breaking the cardinal rule of marketing to not use too many adjectives in your sales pitch and thus come across as a complete sham.
Other benefits include “unlimited family tree size”; access to “all 10.0-billion historical records”; and “priority customer support” — presumably for everyone who thinks they might be adopted. And the results? Oh, there are so many.
On its sister website, ancestry.com, we read of Heidi, who headed to the swamps of Florida after finding out her greatgrandfather was a rampant bootlegger. She connected the dots and decided that she, too, had an adventurous spirit. And of David, who seemed to have launched his home beerbrewing project following the discovery of a recipe scribbled in a journal.
David, Heidi and the other 20-million people who’ve uploaded their DNA to find answers all seem to have had a positive experience. Nowhere on ancestry.com or myheritage.com is there mention of schizophrenics or raging alcoholics. That would most certainly be bad for business. Looking up relatives, on the retail side at least, should be a wonderful pastime, they seem to say. A chance to step out of the present and find solace in the past.
On sanews.gov.za, the government informs the people of SA that Heritage Day on September 24 “recognises and celebrates the cultural wealth of our nation”. For anyone struggling with the meaning of it all (I once called it Inheritance Month), that explains it quite clearly. The Powers That Be elaborate: “During Heritage Month we recognise aspects of South African culture which are both tangible and intangible: creative expression such as music and performances, our historical inheritance, language, the food we eat as well as the popular memory.”
It’s a beautiful and clear sentence, except for the last bit. Who decides which memories are the popular ones?
Doing research for this article, I contacted Leonie Barnard, who traced her family tree using traditional means such as visiting the State Archives. On paper she managed to track relatives for five generations, at which point the trail went cold at the exact time the Great Trek ran into trouble north of the Cape border. Keeping the family alive seemingly outweighed the practice of writing their names down as they were born. Barnard says knowing who her ancestors were helps her to feel grounded and proud of a family that endured so much. To her, the Great Trek is a popular memory, as are many other things to many other South Africans.
If there is one memory that’s everyone’s favourite, I think it’s safe to say it’s the memory of Madiba, the Father of the Nation.
Here is a name we’d like to believe occupies a branch in all of our family trees, at least figuratively. Although, should it come to that, who among us would question the merits of a for-profit DNA lab when a test kit of theirs shows a clear DNA match with the former president? Not many I should think. “Therezit,” we’ll say. “Related by blood.”.
It’s a chance to step out of the present and find solace in the past