IT’S A FARMER’S MARKET
Who’s getting it every day, and who’s left writing about it, asks Tymon Smith
Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, but you know who’s really doing it — all the time, more than you and better? According to a survey conducted in the UK by sextoymaker Lelo, it’s farmers who have the most sex. Two-thousand men and women were interviewed for the survey and the results showed that 33% of farmers claimed to have sex at least once a day. That may be hard to square with South
African perceptions of farmers as big-bellied men stuffed into khaki shirts and shorts, but you can’t argue with the science of a sex questionnaire. Either UK farmers are all toned ab-flexing hotties or else they just know how to have a good time.
The research shows that not only are farmers doing more than ploughing their fields and sowing their oats, they’re also, if they do say so themselves, better at sex than members of other professions. As many as 67% of farmers interviewed by Lelo rated their performance in the bedroom as “incredible.” Take that, townies!
After farmers, it’s the square-jawed Howard Roark-inspired architects who, when they’re not dreaming of conquering the skyline, are taking out their frustrations with town planners and building permits beneath the sheets: 21% of architects claimed they have sex at least once a day, too.
Third spot on the list goes to hairdressers, 17% of whom claimed that they, like Warren Beatty’s character George Roundy in the 1975 film Shampoo, are filling their time in between perms and undercuts with some daily nookie.
The final three spots in Lelo’s six went to people working in advertising, and to lawyers and teachers. Lawyers — if they’re to be believed — are the most difficult to please in the bedroom, with
27% of them admitting that they fake an orgasm every time they have sex.
UK sex expert Kate Moyle says that the increased level of physical effort required for farming may be a reason for their sexual prowess because they’re in better physical condition and have more stamina than their urban desk-job rivals.
Of course, every list must have a loser and unsurprisingly it’s schmucks like the one writing this piece who are at the bottom of the list with only a fifth of journalists interviewed claiming to have sex at least once a day. Well, they do say it’s a dying industry so perhaps it’s time to sell up and move to the country.
Lawyers are the most difficult to please in the bedroom