VIVE L’EVOLUTION?
The new BMW M135i has had something of a sea change. Whether or not it’s for the best is hard to decide.
For some, evolution can be a cruel mistress. Especially when it comes to the products pumped out by our favourite brands. I’m a big fan of Apple but the way they’ve compromised some of their hardware is a perfect example of meddling corporates making change for change’s sake. First they removed the headphone jack from the iPhone 7 and then Tim Cook and his merry band of engineers thought it a splendid idea to bring out a new MacBook Air without the traditional old USB port we’ve used for the last 100 years. I now find myself sniffing around the HP shop.
Outside the realm of consumer electronics, the car industry is one of the biggest proponents of change that isn’t always necessarily for the better — the New Beetle that failed in every way to channel the past successes of the aircooled original is one example. Another is the latest Ford Mustang that tried to sell the idea that an all-American Pony Car could be powered by a four-cylinder turbo-charged motor. That’s like watching an unplugged Bruce Springsteen concert — totally misses the point. Mini is equally guilty with its many marketing campaigns punting go-kart handling. Yeah, maybe in the early Twenty-Teens but today your Cooper is nothing more than a reclothed BMW 1 Series. Ah, yes, the 1 Series. Let’s take a gander at this one, shall we?
Available in hatchback form since 2004, the BMW 1 Series stood out thanks to its rear-wheel drive layout. Though not great from a packaging point of view (the driveshaft and differential squeezed passenger and luggage space to a minimum) this unique configuration made it way more interesting to pilot than its front- or all-wheel drive competitors. While you couldn’t drift a Volkswagen Golf (except maybe in reverse) this BMW would happily oblige. It also offered a fabulous cache of engines. In a segment dominated by four-cylinder motors you could have the 1 Series with lusty sixcylinder units, with or without turbocharging. It was an anomaly: a fish swimming left while the rest of the school swam right.
And then in 2019 it changed forever. The bean counters in
Munich had their way and the 1 Series lost all its distinguishing characteristics.
So now when you throw down the dough for this range-topping M135i you no longer acquire an angry tyre-slayer with a multi-cylinder screamer under the bonnet. Instead, you get all-wheel drive and a ubiquitous 2.0-litre four-banger that relies on digital noise trickery to help it sound vaguely exciting. You can’t even pair it with a six-speed manual gearbox any more. What used to be a meanstreaked machine has returned from Automotive Finishing School clutching a master’s degree in Refinement.
Presented with this evolutionary report card it’s easy to get despondent. I know I was. For the first day or two the new M135i was another Tim Cook moment: a MacBook Air on 19-inch wheels.
Now I have to admit this BMW does actually hold a few evolutionary aces up its sleeve. Like the way it soaks up bumps and lumps in the tarmac. In days gone by the M135i was a hard thing that took sadistic glee in beating your spinal column to mash. This is no longer the case. I’m not sure how BMW accomplished this (especially on a car with 35-profile tyres) but it rides incredibly well for a sporting hatch. So well, in fact, that it makes the Golf R and Audi S3 feel like they’ve got concrete in their dampeners.
The interior is similarly mature and offers de rigueur mod cons like adaptive mood lighting. Be warned that the options list is long and can add a large chunk of extra change on top of that already steep asking price. I would recommend ticking the Harmon Kardan sound system, though — it’s one of the best I’ve sampled in ages. Build quality is as good (if not better in some areas) as the equivalent Audi while a high level of under-the-skin refinement means wind and road noise is minimal. So well insulated is the cabin you’ll find yourself driving well over the legal limit — it’s a stealthy, deceptive beast.
The deception prevails when you find some empty roads and turn up the wick. As mentioned before, this car’s predecessor could be a proper little monster. This time around it’s a totally different animal that trades playfulness for steadfast mechanical grip. Even in heavy rain and at pace the combination of xDrive all-wheel drive, a Torsen limited-slip differential and torquevectoring trickery helps keep you stuck to the bitumen like a limpet sticks to a ship’s bow.
Consequently, the new M135i is easy to drive fast. Point to point with an average pilot behind the wheel it’ll always be quicker than the machine it replaces.
Yet for all this added polish and poise I always wished I was behind the wheel of the old car. I miss its character, edgy road manners and ability to turn rubber to smoke. Most of all I miss how it brought something unique to an otherwise analogous segment. But I guess this mistyeyed nostalgia will only be felt by people like me who refuse to see life after the iPhone 6. Those gleefully unboxing their new 11 Pros will embrace the evolution — and are probably better off for it.