Getting our heads together to tackle lockdown abuse
There are many reasons someone would struggle to leave an abusive relationship, among them that the abusive partner could take revenge, including murder, or that their self-esteem has been destroyed by the relationship, or that their partner has isolated them from their family and friends. Covid-19 has just added another reason. They cannot leave home. As people grapple with the new pressure-cooker reality of living 24/7 in each other’s space, abused women and children (and some men) are trapped in the home with their abusers. One police officer told us women could not get out of the home to call for help. Activists say the number of abused women and children seeking shelter has dropped dramatically, leading to fears that victims are unable to reach help and expectations there will be a surge in demand once the lockdown is lifted.
Given the casual disregard for the value of the lives and bodies of children at the best of times in SA, we know that the lifting of the lockdown will come too late for some. Police minister Bheki Cele said on Thursday that police had received more than 87,000 gender-based complaints since the lockdown began. The precarious financial situation of many is likely to get worse as the pandemic deepens, as will a growing fear as we see more people succumb to the disease. These factors are likely to lead to more stress. And more violence as some lash out at the people quite literally closest to them.
Unicef has recommended that first responders be given tools to know how to handle disclosure of gender-based violence by victims. And to make sure people know what support mechanisms exist and how to reach them. To these recommendations we would add that now would be a good time to start a campaign to help all of us better manage our mental health. We should all learn to name our fears and recognise our triggers. We should learn techniques to practise resilience in the face of hardship. Abusers need to be part of this process because they usually hold financial, physical and psychological power — and even the power or life and death — over their victims. For some of us, these interventions could help us get through the lockdown without too much collateral damage to our relationships. For others, it could mean getting through it alive.