HOGARTH
Hercules and the hungry hippo
The national breadwinner faced the nation on Wednesday to remind us how broke and indebted we are. Having begged us in the past to be prudent and tighten the belts, the breadwinner has now resorted to poetry to explain our debt crisis. “Our Herculean task is to close the mouth of the hippopotamus! It is eating our children’s inheritance. We need to stop it now! Our Herculean task is to stabilise debt.”
When poetry failed him, he went biblical.
“The gospel according to the Apostle Matthew, chapter 7 verses 13 and 14, springs to mind: ‘Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it’ .”
Amen.
Groaning under the strain
Aday after telling us how much the multinational loan sharks have agreed to lend the broke country, the national breadwinner faced parliamentary finance committees to elaborate on the growing national debt. It quickly became clear that the depressing state of the national wallet is taking a toll on the pilchards chef. A usually cool and witty fellow, eager to exchange jokes with MPs, Mboweni, pictured, nearly lost his cool when the co-chair of the joint committees, Yunus Carrim, pleaded with him to be “precise and specific”.
“What do you mean by that?” the finance minister retorted. “Are you suggesting I’m usually not precise … ? You must be very careful of these undertones. You must remember I’m also a member of parliament, but anyway let’s leave that, it’s fine,” he responded grumpily. The IMF must hurry up with that loan.
Queen of the unforced error
N ot so long ago, the chiefs at Luthuli House were less worried about the opposition and more concerned about their leader’s proneness to scandals and the damage this caused the party’s brand. The opposition milked every drop of it, calling the leader the “gift that keeps giving”. Well, it now seems it, too, is gifted. The Desperate Alliance this week had its hands full fighting fires ignited by Godzille’s apartheid nostalgia. Judas Steenhuisen crafted a diplomatic statement saying Godzille’s Twitter claim that democratic SA has more racist laws than apartheid SA was not factual. Duh! We all know that, Judas. The question is, what are you going to take away from the Madam — her phone or her membership?
Damme that’s harsh
T he Madam was in her element, and responded to each and every tweet like her life depended on it. One Twitter user asked how black leaders of the DA, such as Phumzile van Damme, dealt with the Madam’s uncontrollable fondness for apartheid. Godzille retorted: “They chill at home, and enjoy the sea view.”
That’s her way of saying: “They know it’s my way or the highway.”
Lots of heat, not so much light
W hat do you do when the thieves who gave you a share of looted funds are about to face the music? Well, if you’re commander-in-thief of the Economic FreeLooters, you resort to the court of public opinion. On Thursday he invited a handful of political scribes to a “public interrogation session” with him. As expected, Juju denied any involvement in any looting of VBS Mutual Bank or the provincial government in Limpopo. At times the session turned into a screaming match, with Juju challenging the poor scribes to produce evidence of his looting ways. It made great television. Can the same invitation be extended to the Hawks and the NPA?
It could be a smear campaign
T he commander-in-thief wore an untidy Afro for the “Deny Everything” show — just to prove he has not breached lockdown regulations. But what’s up with the shiny face? A naughty colleague quipped that his look gave new meaning to VBS: Vaseline Blue Seal.