HOGARTH Coming out of hiding The Cat wants to be stroked

Unkindest cut for a fat cat

In the 206-page indictment of the 14 accused in the plunder of VBS Mutual Bank, a reference is made to how ANC Limpopo provincial treasurer Danny Msiza apparently went under the knife using VBS loot. Of the payments that the investigators found was one of R87,000 made on behalf of Msiza, a rather portly man, to a Dr Grant Dewar, who describes himself as “an experienced” surgeon in laparoscopy (that’s weight-loss surgery to you and me).

Just one problem: Msiza still has a weight problem. Did those pensions lost when the bank collapsed pay for a failed op?

McBuffalo’s deputy, David “The Cat” Mabuza, made a rare public appearance in parliament this week. Just like ordinary citizens, MPs were shocked to see The Cat in person. IFP MP Mthokozisi Nxumalo praised The Cat for keeping a low profile since the lockdown. “Let me compliment the deputy president for being exemplary during the national lockdown by just disappearing,” said Nxumalo in isiZulu. The deputy speaker tried to suppress his laughter but was later seen chuckling at Nxumalo’s polite manner of telling The Cat that he was an absent No 2.

The Cat pleaded with MPs to go easy on ministers who were unable to answer basic questions. He also scolded MPs for language used in addressing ministers. He said it should be moderate.

“It should be a language to say, ‘Minister, you are supposed to present a report.’ No, not to say, ‘You must come. We don’t want to hear your reason. You must come.’

“You are talking to your colleague; you are talking to your minister.

“I’m saying, in the execution of our duty, let’s mind our language so that we remain professional at all times.” Someone should remind The Cat he’s not in Mpumalanga.

Commie karateka on the run

It seems Mr Miyagi and the Karate Kid from the SACP have run out of ideas to resolve the funding crisis at universities. The communist pair, Blade Nzimande and Buti Manamela — higher education minister and deputy — showed the university community the middle finger by ducking a parliamentary meeting on the crisis. Nzimande made a short presentation only to leave a few minutes later citing cabinet commitments. Moments later, Karate Kid Manamela followed. This forced a fuming higher education portfolio committee chair, Philly Mapulane, to abruptly end the meeting. The SACP describes itself as being in a “struggle for working-class hegemony over society”. Does its leader and deputy in government, a former chair of the party’s youth wing, not think that struggle could be advanced by addressing the plight of children of the working class who are trying to get into university?

Survé sucks up

Sekunjalo group boss Dr Iqbal Survé turned to parliament this week, begging MPs to fight his battles against imaginary enemies ranging from the Public Investment Corp (PIC) to the Companies and Intellectual Property Commission, the National Treasury, the media, the JSE, banks and the opposition DA. If it was not jealous competitors running a smear campaign against him, it was the banks denying his businesses banking facilities or the JSE refusing to list his companies, and the PIC being nasty.

DA MP Geordin Hill-Lewis dismissed presentations by Survé’s companies as fairy tales and fantasy that exist only in their heads. Hill-Lewis then mockingly referred to Survé as “this champion of righteousness and justice”. But Nelson Mandela’s doctor didn’t take kindly to the young DA MP not regarding him as a person of integrity.

“During apartheid, the architects of media from Naspers to Caxton and others were people that were lauded for integrity for defending the brutal apartheid system, which was a crime against humanity, so I’m not surprised when people like myself defend our people across the nation, suddenly that’s not integrity. You see, integrity is when you defend apartheid and its brutality, integrity is not, according to certain people when you defend the people of this country. I am extremely proud that I defend the people of this country.”

Someone please bestow upon him the Order of the Baobab (in self-promotion).