Sunday Times

HOGARTH Tiger tries to tame the circus


Spare a thought for Uncle Gweezy, who has to chair the gathering of rowdy adults known as the ANC national executive committee. Leaked recordings from last weekend’s meeting gave us insight into how senior leaders engage in kindergart­en screaming matches. In one audio clip, KwaZulu-Natal premier Sihle Zikalala is heard screaming his lungs out, calling for Enoch Godongwana to be suspended after he is overheard, in a private conversati­on, calling on McBuffalo’s forces to “attack”. Zikalala was joined by Hogarth’s favourite pensioner, Tony Yengeni, who shouted repeatedly: “Attack who? Are we at war here?” Uncle Gweezy was saved by an unidentifi­ed voice proposing that the meeting take a break. Keeping misbehavin­g adults in check must be a tough job, even for a tiger.

He looks pale because he’s a ghost

The meeting eventually decided that the Luthuli House and all those accused of thieving must vacate their positions within 30 days. It also cautioned the mouthpiece of the toy soldiers, Carl Niehaus, against running the radical economic transforma­tion (RET) lobby group from Luthuli House. One person who found the whole episode amusing was the self-styled commander-in-thief of the Red Berets.

Juju called a media briefing where the NEC meeting dominated his rant. Talking about secretary-general Ace Magashule’s fightback campaign, Juju said the mistake was to have fraudster Niehaus running it.

“Whatever programme you’re advancing should be led by people with credibilit­y. Not a person who has buried his mother five times and asked for money from people and then he comes from the grave to run your campaign.”

Every circus needs clowns

Juju, the original Nkandla tea party guest, told scribes that McBuffalo was two steps ahead of his ANC detractors. He labelled the RET group as clowns who did not even have a leader for their anti-Ramaphosa campaign. “They are clownish.

They must go back to the drawing board. Otherwise Cyril is going to get rid of all of them. And there is no space here in the EFF for crooks,” said Juju. You heard it, folks, all the space for crooks is taken.

Don’t be seen dead with the ghost

On Thursday night just before 10pm, Niehaus issued a media advisory inviting reporters to a briefing by the RET forces. “Specific attention will be given to the unwarrante­d attacks on ANC members who pursue the implementa­tion of radical economic transforma­tion as the official economic policy programme of the ANC, and the relentless factional political attacks on the secretaryg­eneral of the ANC, comrade Ace Magashule, as well as the ongoing persecutio­n of president Jacob Zuma.”

The ANC in Johannesbu­rg then warned its members against attending Old Carl’s event, saying anyone who is seen in the presence of the Pep-store-camouflage-wearing commander would face disciplina­ry action. At 10.32pm Old Carl withdrew the media alert.

Real housewives of the Eastern Cape

And then there is the Eastern Cape traditiona­l leader, Inkosi Xolile Ndevu. This member of the National House of Traditiona­l Leaders was left red-faced during a meeting of the co-operative governance and traditiona­l affairs portfolio committee on Tuesday night.

While Ndevu was addressing the meeting via Zoom, with his camera on and live on parliament’s TV channel, his spouse walked into the room, apparently to take a bath, dressed only in her birthday suit. Former Gupta minister Faith Muthambi, who now chairs the committee, was not impressed.

“Inkosi, people behind you are not properly dressed. We are seeing everything. Yhooo! Please, Inkosi, did you tell them you are in a meeting? It is very disturbing what we are seeing,” she protested.

Covering his face with his hands, Ndevu profusely apologised. “I’m very sorry. I was focusing on the camera and not behind me. I’m so embarrasse­d, chair.”

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 ??  ?? Gwede Mantashe needs to crack the whip.
Gwede Mantashe needs to crack the whip.

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