Yearning for life’s rough and tumble
While we need to remain respectful of the rules of social engagement still necessary to contain the virus, we really are missing out, writes Mark Barnes
The first piece I wrote about the impact I thought the virus would have on our lives was published in this same space, 504 days ago. At the time I saw the one-month lockdown as a chance to reflect on our individual lives, in isolation, and to “start being the real you”. OK, but it’s enough already. How much more of getting to know myself can I put up with? Not another 500 days’ worth, that’s for sure.
Watching the Olympics has been more fun than I expected it to be, given current restrictions. I guess that’s because we’re pretty much seeing the same close-up coverage we would have anyway, less a bit of the crowd spirit (but they do seem to mix in some fake noises and fake crowded-seat backgrounds, sort of).
A fake atmosphere has been built, pretty much another approximation of general real life as we’ve come to know it. For the athletes, it must feel completely different, but no less prestigious. The emotions have certainly not been diminished. Did you see the two Italians embrace after Gianmarco Tamberi shared the men’s high jump gold and Lamont Marcell Jacobs won the men’s 100m final? Or the amazing Jamaican triple in the women’s 100m final? We’re social beings, however competitive, in case you ever needed proof.
Despite all of these makeshift (and necessary) alternative forms of social engagement, there will come a time when we simply have to get back together again. To shake hands, skin on skin, surface moisture engaged (sound like fun?), natural skin oils mixing, swapping … that, and also to greet, and feel properly greeted, or to shake on a deal, and feel properly bound.
We are not naturally creatures of solitude. Solitude and separation should be choices, occasionally exercised, and in that way be equally necessary to a full life experience. But we must mix it up.
Beyond the primal need to propagate the species, itself necessarily preceded by social encounters and engagements of whatever origin, we need to gather to grow. Together we define aggregate human behaviour, which must tangibly exist if only to identify exceptional human endeavour; to aspire, to challenge, to envy, to admire. We benefit from, contribute to and are influenced by integration, more so than by mere association, and more truthfully in person than on social media.
We’ve become used to asking the difficult questions and making cautious proposals via WhatsApp and e-mail. We’ve chosen and designed our profiles, if not our very personas, on Facebook, LinkedIn, Tinder, or wherever. We now live in a world where we have time to prepare and react “offline”, where response is optional and where deceit around availability and whereabouts are optional extras. We’re “busy” when it suits us. We can mute voice and block video — you’re never quite sure who’s still there, or what they’re actually doing. But however closely we manage to approximate reality, it’ll never be a substitute for the real thing.
I want to go back to the real thing. The longer we have to wait, the further from truth we will stray, until we can’t tell the difference between the show and the everyday life it seeks to replicate. It’s not always fun being put on the spot but it is valuable to engage unrehearsed. Spontaneity is the frontline of social discourse — it gets things done.
It’s often argued that it’s efficient to work from home. Yes, it cuts travel time and you can stay in bed, but two-dimensional representation is a poor substitute for threedimensional personality. Live debates, with people standing up and shouting if needs be, or frowning, or shaking their heads, or leaving the room, produces a better result than having to click on the “raise your virtual hand” icon and wait for the meeting administrator to let you in, before time’s up.
We need to remain cautious and respectful of all social engagement rules still necessary to contain the virus. We’ve all lost people we love, taken before their time. I’m a strong supporter of being vaccinated and I yearn for herd immunity, which may only come once vaccination has become part of the annual inoculation protocols for our children. I hope it’s sooner!
We’re missing out on life. We’re better off dealing with the bumps and scars and tears and joys that everyday life imposes on us, despite the many (non-virus related) threats those realities may hold. We’re interlinked, influenced and, reciprocally, as individuals, we influence outcomes that define our future. Solitude changes from refuge to prison, if imposed.
We need to get amongst it again, without reserve. We laugh more in each others’ company. What’s life without a bit of teasing and touching and a healthy dose of raw and reckless behaviour every now and again, if only to define what isn’t. I can’t wait.