A special day for a murdered girl
Victim of apparent filicide would have turned seven
● Wednesday would have been a special day for the Dickason family.
Lauren and Graham Dickason would, along with their two-year-old twins, Maya and Karla, have celebrated their eldest daughter Liane’s seventh birthday.
Instead Graham, an orthopaedic surgeon, is preparing to bury his children in New Zealand. Just weeks before, the family had arrived there in August from Pretoria to start a new chapter in their lives.
Lauren, also a doctor, is in a high-security mental health facility. She stands accused of murdering her daughters last week.
The murders occurred a week after the family had emerged from two weeks in a quarantine facility in Christchurch.
Speaking to the Sunday Times, the children’s former nanny in SA, Mendy Sibanyoni, said the family loved birthdays and made the build-up to the usual party fun for the children.
“Every year Lauren would make a round calendar, shaped like a worm, for Liane. It would be in the kitchen. It had a small flap covering each day of the month. The flaps would go until her birthday on 22nd of September.
“Each day Liane would open a flap and mark off the day. She would get a small gift and Lauren would sing a song to her.”
She said Lauren had promised that Liane would call her so she could sing happy birthday to her. “Now that will never happen,” Sibanyoni told the Sunday Times.
She said that to say her goodbyes to Liane, she lit a candle for her on Wednesday.
“I didn’t know what else to do. I wanted to say goodbye to her somehow. She would have turned seven. She is now an angel in heaven.”
Reports this week from New Zealand said that Lauren Dickason had stopped taking chronic medication for apparent depression before emigrating.
Sibanyoni said she had never noticed signs of depression in her employer.
“I know depression. My sister suffers from it and has medicine for it.
“The Lauren I know is a mother who loves her children. She would die protecting them. She battled to have children and her girls were her everything.”
She said the Dickasons were happy to be emigrating. “In July she said they had been delayed so many times because of Covid-19. She said she could not wait to get there [to New Zealand] and start their new lives.”
Also remembering Lauren with fondness was baby sleep consultant Raylene de Villiers. The two women bonded as both had struggled to fall pregnant.
While never having physically met, the two became close to each other in a mothers’ support group, chatting daily with each other and other mothers who had battled to have children.
De Villiers said she could not emphasise strongly enough the stresses brought on by trying to conceive and then finally falling pregnant and giving birth.
“Everybody thinks once you give birth, that’s it and you must just get on with it. But they forget about all the stresses that you have being carrying up to that point, which are then compounded once you have given birth.” She said people needed to be more understanding of what mothers went through to have children.
“As moms we need to stand together. It is
OK to admit that you are not coping.
“Moms who have battled to have children want the perfect family that they have worked so hard for.
“Once children arrive it is certainly not easy, especially if you have more than one to take care of, mixed with the desperation and helplessness of not knowing where to go or who to speak to [for help].”
In an open letter to Lauren this week, De Villiers wrote: “To Lauren, I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry for what you have endured and that no-one was standing in your corner in your darkest hour.”
Two other South African doctors who emigrated to New Zealand during Covid-19 described the quarantine process in that country as hell.
They requested anonymity out of fear of jeopardising their emigration process.
One doctor, who emigrated eight months ago and lives in Auckland, said: “We consider ourselves the lucky ones. When we arrived, we could go into the hotel parking lot any time. We could only move around if we were in our family bubble. You got meals with virtually zero selection options.”
He said that at the best of times moving from one country to another was stressful.
“Now throw in Covid-19 and two weeks of quarantine in a cramped layover hotel and it is a nightmare.”
“When my wife saw the soldiers outside she just broke down in tears.
“You are pushed beyond normal stress levels. If you already have medical issues it will push you over the edge.”
Although on chronic medication for a nerve syndrome, the doctor stopped his medication months before leaving SA.
“Immigrating here is like climbing two Mount Everests. The big risk is rejection because of your health status.”
The second doctor, who was quarantined in Christchurch in July, said he and his family were allowed outside for an hour a day.
“We have a young son. You are trapped in a tiny room, which you can’t leave unless it’s your allocated time. The mental strain pushes people over the edge.”
A memorial service was held this week for the murdered children in their adopted town of Timaru in New Zealand’s South Island. A letter, written by their father, was read. He pleaded for understanding.
“I have already forgiven her and I urge you, at your own time, to do the same.
“Pray for strength and for healing; please also pray for my lovely Lauren, as I honestly believe that she is a victim of this tragedy as well,” said the letter.
The Lauren I know is a mother who loves her children. She would die protecting them. She battled to have children and her girls were her everything Mendy Sibanyoni