ASK DR YES

He answers your rather naughty questions in his monthly column

Dear Dr Yes

I adore my partner; we’ve been together for an age and we get along like a house on fire. But our sex has become ... can I actually say it? Boring! I’m not into kink. What can we do to spice it up a little?

Dear Spicy

Repetition is, by definition, boring, especially for the more adventurous among us. But it is safe. Things don’t get broken and “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”, right? But what if it’s functional, but breaking — like same old, same old sex? Can you have your cake and eat it? Yes, you can, but you have to be a grown up and that’s sometimes difficult. Gather yourself, take the risk — there’s a lot to lose (if you don’t). Sex, wonderful juicy sex, is an extraordinary mixture of the familiar and the unexpected. Of known territory and unexplored places. Of risk and return. Of finding new picnic spots in an old garden. But we are creatures of habit. We most often order the same food at the same restaurants. Then, one day, a friend takes you out to lunch. “I’ll order starters”, is the offer — maybe you’ll decide on our main course?

What the hell, let me risk it, you think. You submit. Your taste buds are dancing about — can’t wait for this new flavour, a new sensation — a whole new eating experience. Yummy! You get home, a bag full of different treats from the local delicatessen, and maybe some fresh flowers from your garden.

“Sit down, relax,” you whisper loudly to your partner. “I’m cooking up a storm for supper. Perhaps you’d like to get your favourite bottle of wine out of the cellar? I feel like sizzling it up a bit tonight.”

Good sex and good food are close cousins and sometimes it takes an outsider to introduce the spice. Go on, find somebody you like and trust, teach each other a new trick or two, in a safe space. Then take those home with you, to the partner you love ... and play a little?