SWEARING – THE SECRET F***ING SUPER POWER
A pertinent question considering the world we’re living in
The words that popped unbidden from my mouth when I saw Heidi Klum wriggle onto the red carpet as a giant salmon pink, undulating, fleshy, wormy worm on Halloween at her newly reinstated party in the Big Apple were something along the lines of “Holy s***! What the f*** is that?”
They are unprintable, much like the title of this column. This is a family newspaper after all.
But recently reported research in the Lingua journal has vindicated my propensity to drop the fbomb. The research shows that it’s damn healthy and f***ing good for you to swear. Out loud. With vigour and conviction. With everything you’ve got. Yes, dear reader, the act of swearing has been proven to have physiological, psychological and even cognitive benefits. Plus, paradoxically, it makes you appear more powerful.
To be clear, by swearing I’m referring to Kristy Beers Fägersten’s definition, “as the use of words that have the potential to be offensive, inappropriate, objectionable or unacceptable in any given social context”. Swearing is cathartic and the more taboo, the better the health outcomes, especially when you engage in untrammelled stepping on polite society’s verbal cues. I s**t you not.
Swearing makes you seem more persuasive. It makes you happier, healthier and fitter and you feel less pain.
Swearing is like a secret super power. For example, repeating a helpful mantra, such as “you can f***ing do this”, as you run the final kilometre of your marathon or pull a giant arrow from your scapula in the middle of battle or plunge your hands into an ice bucket and keep them there — whatever the circumstance — really will have salutary effects on all your neurochemistry. Swearing enabled participants to withstand discomfort far longer than the more refined members of the experimental group.
It also makes people bond in social contexts, and texts that underscore their message with a little hardcore swearing thrown in hit the mark more often than ones that don’t. So swear with abandon when writing a WhatsApp. It’s a powerful medium of communication even though people still aren’t sure how it works. Swearing isn’t as powerful in your second language or in foreign tongues. Merde!
It seems we’re hardwired in our childhood to give swearing outsized value, which may have something to do with the soap your mother threatened to wash your mouth out with.
But research appears to point in the direction of a far deeper, more primal response to these rogue words. Our amygdala and basal ganglia, the most ancient parts of our brain’s physiology, light up like firecrackers when we swear. The higher-order processing structures remain unimpressed.
I fully intend to use this information to solidify my speedy ascent to the top of the corporate and social pile. I intend to sprinkle a few choice words into my general conversation and sit back and watch the social lubricant do its work.
Thanks, Heidi, what a f***ing worm costume.