HOGARTH

Emperor with smart clothes

Our First Brother-in-Law threw the biggest bash ever witnessed on our shores, bringing together 10 heads of state under one roof — including Paul Kagame of Rwanda and Kenya’s Uhuru Kenyatta. But that’s not a big deal because one head of state is always one call away from his next braai. What was more impressive was Patrice Motsepe’s ability to convince King Goodwill Zwelithini and Bishop Barnabas Lekganyane to go to a stadium for two consecutive Sundays. Ancient states were made up of the monarchy and the church. But Motsepe, pictured, seems to be building a super-state, made up of the monarchy, the church, McBuffalo and Mamelodi Sundowns. Those who say Motsepe wants to be our prez are aiming too low, the guy is already an emperor.

Ruling over king and church

If you were doubting Motsepe’s powers, let old Hog break it down for you. The head of the ZCC and the Zulu king are not known for taking instructions from anyone. Not everyone can shake King Zwelithini’s hand — and those who do have to kneel. But on Sunday the two read from Motsepe’s speech. In one instance he was seen tapping their shoulders. This is what the young ones are referring to when they talk about levels.

Calling the … er … Cosatu person

Also present at the Motsepe bash was Cosatu president Zingiswa Losi. Losi should touch up on her PR. Of all the people Motsepe called on stage, she was the only one he did not call by name, perhaps fearing he would call his longtime friend Zwelinzima Vavi, who was also in attendance.

Start the revolution without them

Your daytime revolutionaries turn into groupies of monopoly capital at night. What’s with the Red Berets taking selfies with celebrities at the FNB Stadium on Sunday? The commander-in-thief shared his picture with R&B star Usher while his deputy, Floyd Shivambu, stole a selfie with Naomi Campbell. Remember how they ran onto the pitch to take a picture with Lionel Messi when Emperor Motsepe brought Barcelona to FNB Stadium? Not so long ago the same Reds were accusing Motsepe of paying workers slave wages. Hogarth understands, it must be difficult shouting slogans when you’re wearing Gucci.

Aunty Pat’s got a bag of them

Aunty Pat finally revealed the name of her party: Good. She says she is hoping that all good people in this country will vote for her. We have Comrades (ANC), Fighters (EFF), Democrats (DA) and Citizens (Agang). What will Aunty Pat’s members call themselves? Goodies?

First red berets, now red tops

Aunty Pat told the fourth estate that she started this party so that young people could take over one day. “I won’t be here forever.” One of the young people was former gossip reporter Bongani Mdakane, who was seated next to her. Does it mean Good is going trashy tabloid?

Terrible transformation of Terror

Terror Lekota and his stokvel, who call themselves the Congress of the People, have joined forces with AfriForum to woo white voters. Uncle Terror has been a vocal opponent of expropriating land without compensation. It’s one of the biggest political somersaults in history, from a black consciousness activist to charterist to the right wing. This man is a jumble sale of wrong ideas.

Fighters missing in action

The Red Berets have always made noise about how the face of white monopoly capital, Johann Rupert, exploits the working class. On Tuesday Rupert was in Houghton at a much-publicised event hosted by Power

98.7 owner Given Mkhari. You’d think this would have been an opportunity for the Reds to express their anger, but they were nowhere to be found. Is it because Juju is Mkhari’s BFF?