Sunday Times - - Opinion - WRITE TO HOG­A­[email protected]­DAY­TIMES.CO.ZA

I’ll know you if you know me

Our No 2, who is also known as The Cat, is big in Mpumalanga. Leg­end has it that dur­ing his time as premier, he had the en­tire prov­ince un­der his thumb. The Cat wielded so much power that his de­trac­tors claim not even a cleaner could be hired in the small­est mu­nic­i­pal­ity with­out his say-so. Such power came with fame, and he was the prov­ince’s most recog­nis­able politi­cian. Now that he is the sec­ond-most pow­er­ful man in Madiba’s repub­lic, you would ex­pect David Mabuza’s fame to glide be­yond the green hills of Mpumalanga. But not when he went to the Nkandla Crooner’s back­yard to con­vince cit­i­zens of the King­dom to spend Satur­day with McBuf­falo. At one home in How­ick, an el­derly woman was bask­ing in the sun.

No 2’s cor­rup­tion-ac­cused side­kick, Mike Mabuyakhulu, asked her if she knew who The Cat was. She re­sponded: “Does he know me?” Scribes couldn’t hold their laugh­ter.

An­other fail­ure of fa­cial recog­ni­tion

An­other Luthuli House big­wig hum­bled by the cit­i­zens of the King­dom was one Paul Mashatile. The Don of the Alex Mafia walked around in Dur­ban ex­pect­ing the hero’s wel­come he gets when he goes to Alex, but there was no fa­cial recog­ni­tion. He was so non­de­script, he had to be in­tro­duced as he em­barked on a walk­a­bout, with en­tourage in tow, at the fa­mous Work­shop shop­ping cen­tre, to drum up an au­di­ence for the ANC’s man­i­festo launch in Dur­ban. One gogo re­peat­edly asked about the iden­tity of the lanky man walk­ing around giv­ing out pam­phlets. Gogo wore a blank stare when she was told that he was the TG (trea­surer-gen­eral) of the ANC. She didn’t look con­vinced. And they say they no longer need the Nkandla Crooner. Sigh!

Now for bridal recog­ni­tion …

Speak­ing of Baba kaDuduzane, the dy­nam­ics of the un­holy al­liance be­tween him and McBuf­falo, ar­ranged by the ANC, were laid bare in KwaZulu-Natal this week. Cup­cake, like a new bride vis­it­ing her hus­band's fam­ily for the first time, re­lin­quished all crit­i­cism to praise the ground Baba kaD walked on — all so his pre­de­ces­sor’s KwaZu­luNatal fam­ily would ac­cept him. Cyril is like an Arse­nal fan who com­plains about the Gun­ners’ k*k per­for­mance but still dons the red and white jersey with pride.

Po­lit­i­cal party pin (PPPN)

Baba kaD’s sup­port­ers are tired of pre­tend­ing to like McBuf­falo. One by one they are leav­ing the once glo­ri­ous move­ment to form their own stokvels. It started with Baba’s cheer­lead­ers in KwaZulu-Natal, who formed the Maz­ibuye African Congress. Not to be out­done, the Cloudy One formed the African Con­tent Move­ment. Most re­cently it has emerged that be­fore Not-Jimmy Manyi went to the African Trans­for­ma­tion Move­ment (ATM), he was in the process of set­ting up his own spaza shop — the Al­lAfrica De­coloni­sa­tion Congress (AADC). How­ever, his friends in the AADC ex­pelled him even be­fore the party was launched. They’ve also ac­cused him of mak­ing off with money his bud­dies the Gup­tas do­nated to launch the AADC. The funds have since been de­posited into the ac­count of the ATM, they claim. One ob­server summed it up nicely: “Money [Manyi] ran with the pin to the ATM.”

Cloudy, with a hint of mega­lo­ma­nia

Abored col­league de­cided to give the Cloudy One a ring this week, to ask how he was do­ing af­ter he set up his very own party. He was in high spir­its and didn’t waste time, boast­ing about mov­ing to his new of­fices in down­town Jo­han­nes­burg. “The CBD was on stand­still when I ar­rived this morn­ing. Ev­ery­one wanted to talk to pres­i­dent Hlaudi.”

Un­be­liev­able! First the SABC, now SA!

Just call me Madiba

Is it Man­dela? Is it Obama?

No, it’s the cleric turned leader of the of­fi­cial op­po­si­tion, Mmusi Maimane, in an­other staged Twit­ter photo. Re­mem­ber how dur­ing the fes­tive sea­son he would pose, seem­ingly on hol­i­day, sport­ing a dashiki or a Man­dela Tshirt, read­ing one cheesy mo­ti­va­tional book af­ter an­other? This time the stage act didn’t work that well. He for­got to check out the colours of the lat­est Man­dela T-shirt, which he was wear­ing on Fri­day … of­fi­cial ANC colours! Sup­port­ers of the gov­ern­ing party could not help but share pic­tures of their lat­est “re­cruit”.

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