Failing matric is not the end of dreams

THE matric results are out – and it might have been a tumultuous year for many pupils. There might be jubilation for many, but also disappointment and regret for those who have not done so well.

Possible reasons pupils get poor grades include: challenging subject matter, incompetent educators, personal crises, negative individual attitudes or a lack of coping mechanisms.

Poor examination outcomes can be devastating – if your marks do not get you into the course you wanted or you feel you haven’t lived up to expectations.

Exam results are just that – marks given to an examination. It’s not a number that reflects your worth, and it will not stop you doing what you want to, in the long term.

Still, you could experience negative emotions such as: Disappointment. Anxiety. Guilt, confusion or sadness. Numbness. Anger. There are ways to manage harmful emotions:

1 Talk to someone.

Talk to someone, such as a friend or counsellor. Childline is available 24 hours – 080 005 5555 or gender hotline. Talk to your family and reset expectations. Address your feelings, write them down or talk about them.

2 Release frustration sensibly.

You are probably distraught, but take some deep breaths and try to relax. Don’t turn to drugs, alcohol or other harmful ways to ease the disappointment. Try old-fashioned methods like crying, screaming into a pillow, or talking to loved ones. Unlike harmful methods, these ease your frustration straight away and won’t leave you feeling worse the next day.

3 Act on your future.

Put mindfulness to work – it’s easy to get lost in the anxiety of a thousand different “what if” scenarios, but you need to move on and look at new options.

4 Reset your expectations.

Sure, you might not get to be a doctor or an astronaut. Remember, some people in business are in top positions despite not being academics.

Perhaps you can have your papers remarked or look at “second chances” options (refer to the Department of Basic Education website).

Poor exam results could set you on a trajectory that leads you to another, interesting and satisfying career.

For a parent, it can be heartwrenching to see your child upset about matric results, especially if your conversations before the results focused on the best universities, careers, dreams or cool gifts. It is challenging for a parent, but your child might find it even tougher to come to terms with failure or poor results.

All this can make your child suffer silently, dealing with feelings of helplessness and shame, and you might not even know the extent of the impact on your child.

Children are not always able to express themselves adequately, so it is important that you pick up the cues through their behaviour and attitude. Sometimes it is fine to give your child space to get over it. Your child might need help if you see:

Your jovial kid become gloomy and depressed.

He/she interacting less with friends or avoiding them. Extreme signs of aggression. Temper tantrums like snapping at family members.

A general dislike towards all activities they once enjoyed – watching TV, digital activities.

Loss of appetite and sleep.

What can you do? Help your child cope with the stress and be more accepting of life. But you need to accept the situation before you can help your child.

First, try to talk to your child to find out what is bothering him. Is it the failure or the fear of letting you down? If talking doesn’t help, seek professional counselling.

Ensure a healthy lifestyle. A loss of sleep is common, but it doesn’t lessen the anxiety and stress. Healthy food and an organised, neat environment help you sleep better, as does practising a breathing technique. Taking in enough oxygen helps break the gloom and recharge.

Prepare for the future. Help your child deal with the reality. Assure your child of your support. Instil confidence in your child.

Failure tends to be more public than success. Edison made 10 000 attempts to create a light bulb and Dyson 5 126 attempts to invent a bagless vacuum cleaner. Whether we like it or not, failure is a fact of life.

Although you might fail incredibly, you could succeed incredibly – which is why risk and courage are necessary. They lead you to learn your strengths, talents, resolve and will to tackle the next challenge, the adult landscape.

There are ways to ease into this fearless mindset. The first is to maintain a positive attitude so that, no matter what you encounter, you will be able to see the lessons of the experience and push forward. Embrace failure as a step towards unprecedented success.

Naidoo is a child rights activist and guest writer for Childline KZN.