Life, marriage and foolish competitiveness

HI, I AM ODELL. I am 33 years old and married for almost seven years. I have a certificate in journalism, an early childhood development qualification and am working and furthering my studies in the same field.

I am also studying to be a personal fitness trainer.

My story began eight years ago when I met my husband. We have a very typical love story. Boy meets girl, they fall in love and a year later they marry.

At first, being newly married, living with a “stranger” and learning about each other, I found myself confused as to what and how a married woman should be.

So, I looked at the previous generation of women and watched lots of Bollywood movies to get some idea of the responsibilities of a wife.

Based on what I saw, I began to please everyone around me and do what I thought was expected of me.

However, as the days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into years, I found myself disliking many things I was doing and learning about marriage.

I was from a different generation of women, not someone who still lived in the 18th century. I couldn’t understand why some of the socalled rules, traditions and expectations still existed. I began to listen to my own heart and dance to my own beat.

There is a famous saying that goes: “When the grass is cut, the snakes will show,” and, just like that, the snakes began to surface one by one. These snakes were competitiveness, jealously, envy, gossip, family expectations and obligations, status, demands and perceptions.

I began to look outside my own little world and noticed that not only did these snakes exist in my life, but in the lives of many other people as well. In our community, many women, past and present, just live in silence. They are either too afraid to speak, but prefer to suffer in silence, all in the name of keeping peace in the family. That is when I decided to expose these hidden issues and get people talking .

The issue I want to focus on is “competitiveness”.

We can deny it, but everyone knows it exists among family, and even among friends. I should know, I’ve seen and have experienced it.

People in our community compete directly or indirectly with each other.

When there is a wedding, they have to have the best colour scheme, the biggest venue and the most extravagant wedding – better than the previous weddings they’ve attended, even if they can’t afford it.

Another example is when a friend or family member buys a brand new car, instead of being happy for the other person they would resort to buying a car that is even more plush, even though it is not affordable, just to make a statement.

There is no point to such behaviour. That expensive car will depreciate in value, and the costly and extravagant wedding only creates holes in the pockets of most people.

Besides, wedding guests are known to attend mostly for the food anyway – and then complain afterwards.

Bragging about the school their kids attend is another status symbol for many. That, for me, is so unnecessary.

The cost of living is spiking all the time. Often, people can’t afford life’s luxuries but they indulge anyhow, but do so just to keep up with the Joneses.

I can go on about competitive people but I’ll leave it there for now.

The question I ask is, why does another person’s approval mean so much?

I really can’t understand that mentality.

We were born with nothing and will leave this world emptyhanded.

I suggest, let’s be real and happy for what God has blessed us with and try to be genuinely happy for our friends and family members.