Punters, pundits and Tiger
THERE used to be one in almost every town – every place worthy of being called a town that is. Not always found on the main street, but around the corner. There you could always get a good value-for-money meal, such as bangers and mash or the perennial favourite, steak, egg and chips, but it wasn’t a restaurant. There was always a bar, but it wasn’t a pub. It was patronised by regulars who came from all walks of life. It was one of the few places where rich and poor rubbed shoulders, with the former wagering heavily on short priced favourites, while the latter opted for the longshots, who seldom arrived. In England they are known as betting shops. In our country they are fast becoming sports betting outlets, and are fast losing their historic character.
Characters
Fortunately there are still one or two ‘Punter’s Arms’ in our city. There you will always find an old Joe who has punted on horses for donkeys years, and will soon tell you that “most of the horses I have backed have turned out to be donkeys”. But Joe is both garrulous and generous when he wins.
Then there is a Dave, a pensioner who only bets on places, and as such has no need to shout home the winner.
Prakash - but you can call me “Ash” - a dedicated studier of form, sometimes gets inside information, and watches the betting like a hawk. Thus he often places his bets at the very last moment, and then says: “I told you that one couldn’t lose”. He has a wad of tickets but will only show you the winning one.
Richard, a prominent local businessman, will pop in during lunch time, has a betting account, and will share his info with the punters, but only after he has got the best odds. Frustratingly, punters have to contend with genuine gamblers, those who care not about form, trainers or jockeys, but regard it as a numbers game, and, damn it, they back on numbers and when they win they win big. Others back on names, dreams anything other than form. In desperation some punters have been known to bet on soccer games, but that game, and the teams with unpronounceable names, is beyond their ken.
In between races punters are prone to be pundits about all and any sport. A prominent topic at the moment – given that we have given up on the Boks – is Tiger Wood’s comeback this weekend.
Now it just so happens that Des, the doyen of punters, actually knows the game, and had a stellar amateur golf career.
Tiger
But this doesn’t stop those who wouldn’t know a hook from a slice, or a tee from a coffee, or chipping in. “Tiger will be better than ever, and will soon be number one again”, they confidently proclaim. Eventually, Des can no longer contain himself: “He will never win another major, he is too old and his putting game has gone”.
But a chirper replies: “But you are old Des and you can still beat the younger guys”, and another adds: “Yes Des! and you don’t even practice”. Before Des can get another word in, a wise guy chimes in with: “Form is temporary, class is permanent”. My two cents worth is that it will surely depend on whether Tiger’s back can stand up, but that goes over like a lead balloon.
A joker adds that Tiger did not hurt his back on the golf course, but in the bedroom. Valiantly, Des tries to get the upper hand, by telling us that there are now far too many great players for one man to dominate, as Tiger used to.
But the pack are in full cry, until The Oracle – so named because he can always give you a winner, but only after the race has been run – suggests: “Hey why don’t we ask the bookmaker what odds he will give on Tiger winning another tournament. Des, who by now has been blown out of both the Place Accumulator and the Pick 6, is grumpy and says: “Yes, then you can all put your money where your mouth is”.
Jerry leaves the room to find out, but returns and reports that no odds are available on Tiger’s comeback. Silence descends, and Jerry says: “That settles it then, why even talk about it when we can’t bet on it”. RACING returns to Scottsville for the first time today after undergoing spring treatment and punters face a trifecta of posers in the three fixed-weight races that head the card.
First up is a Conditions Plate where the two best weighted runners are Olma and Lala. Olma, if reproducing her effort behind Inara in last season’s Gr1 Garden Province Stakes, would be hard to beat but her form since has been off-putting and the in-form Lala could prove the better bet.
Frank Robinson saddles Olma and also Winter Is Coming in the Pinnacle Stakes two races later. The colt was shunted up the handicap after his facile maiden victory and although his previous maiden form was promising, the handicappers may have been a little too enthusiastic.Their assessment will be put to the test as Winter Is Coming faces a pod of solid handicappers with Ashton Park and Mr Roy leading the charge.
Miss Varlicious and Shezaleader look the pick of the Allowance Plate with the weights favouring Shezaleader. However, they face two smart younger fillies in Accidental Tourist and Just Vogue giving lumps of weight so it could pay to follow the money.