The issue of bullying needs to be addressed

EVERYONE wants to believe that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”, but that is not true. Words can be just as harmful, or even more so, than physical abuse.

Another popular saying, “Kids will be kids”, suggests that bullying is a normal part of growing up, and that children need to “toughen up” and deal with these challenges.

But bullying is a real problem with serious consequences. With the prevalence of assaults, threats and harassment via technology, bullying has become a dangerous, life-threatening epidemic.

Children cannot get away from it, which has resulted in many suicides. Bullying is a community issue and requires a community solution. The problem, which can occur randomly or regularly, can derail a child’s education, social life and emotional well-being.

Here are some tips to address bullying:

Have a clear understanding.

Bullying can occur at any age. It’s an imbalance of power where bullied pupils can’t defend themselves, and it takes the form of threats, teasing, name-calling, excluding, pushing and hitting.

With more children now having cellphones, cyber-bullying is becoming more of a problem. Social media is used to harass, intimidate or bully others though texts, e-mails, videos and posts on websites. Remove labels and address behaviour.

When teachers and parents call a child a bully or a victim, they make a judgement that has a lasting impact.

Address the situation and the bully. The child should be told why the behaviour is wrong and what the consequences are.

Bullying is learned behaviour. Children pick up such antisocial behaviour from adult role models, parents, teachers and the media.

Be a positive role model and teach a child good social behaviour from a young age. Children with positive role models are less likely to enter damaging or hurtful relationships.

Set clear, enforceable rules and expectations.

Children need to know what will happen if they engage in a certain behaviour. This provides clear expectations. Rules are needed to enforce respect, responsibility, and safety. Reward positive behaviour.

Teachers and parents should invest in praising children more: It reinforces good behaviour.

Praise more frequently instead of criticising. Have open communication.

Communication is key to building rapport. Listening with empathy is key. Children want to know they are listened to, respected and understood. Involve children in important decisions at school and at home.

The most important thing you can do for bullied children is to validate them.

Engage parents, teachers and others.

Many people are involved in children’s lives. When they work together, a big difference can be made in a child’s life.

Communication with parents about a child’s behaviour – whether the bully or the bullied – can be tricky. Teachers need to build a rapport with the parents.

By working together, parents and teachers can provide a consistent approach to introducing more productive replacement behaviour.

Look for warning signs.

A child who is being bullied can show many different signs of it. The incidents are not always witnessed.

Does the child have inexplicable injuries, frequent headaches or stomach aches, changes in eating habits, difficulty sleeping, declining grades, a loss of interest in school, a loss of friends, lost or destroyed personal items or decreased self-esteem? Does the child avoid social situations?

These are just some pointers, but no child shows the same signs.

There are also signs that a child is bullying another. Does the child get into a lot of fights or have friends that bully others?

Is the child increasingly aggressive or sent to the principal’s office often? Does the child have new belongings, blame others for his problems, refuse to accept responsibility for actions or worry about popularity? Address the incident.

When an incident occurs, separate the children involved and gather the facts.

Bystanders often encourage bullies. It can be easier to first remove the bystanders, then deal with the bully and the target.

Once the crowd is dispersed, interview the bystanders. It’s essential to get them to help. Schools should protect them from retaliation and help them understand that silence and inaction can make bullies more powerful. When you listen, show empathy and don’t judge. Monitor hot spots.

There are places where bullying occurs the most, usually where adults are not present: corridors, toilets, playgrounds, public transport.

Statistics show 47.2% of bullying occurs in a passageway, 33.6% in a classroom and 20% on school grounds when pupils are walking to and from school.

Bullying should not be ignored. These tips will help ensure children thrive in safe, caring environments.

Bullying requires action from the entire community and addressing the issue head-on will bring it out into the open.

The bullied, the witnesses and the bullies need support.

Naidoo is an independent children’s specialist and a former director of Childline KZN.