MY DURBAN…

Comedian Jem Atkins, from On Fire Comedy, joins his team at this year’s Hilton Arts Festival for a bumper comedy line up. He is appearing three times at Hilton, in the Crazy Funny Show with John Vlismas, Glen Biderman-pam, Neil Green and Annalakshmi, and

Best place for a first date in the city? California Dreaming (North Beach) is great – it’s practically on the beach and they make the best milkshakes.

What’s the first thing you do when you arrive in Durban from out of town? I disembark. Then take off a jersey. Then fetch my bag and leave the airport. Then I go home and shower – flying makes me sweaty.

Best meal you’ve had in Durban that’s not at home? S43 (Station Road, Morningside) has about five of the best meals I’ve ever had, one of them being Butternut ravioli in a gorgonzola sauce.

What current local song can’t you stop listening to? I don’t listen to the radio very often. I much prefer to compose my own songs on the guitar. Currently I’m working on one called Beautiful, about a guy who meets a breathtakingly lovely girl in a coffee shop. True story.

What’s the last South African movie you watched? Chappie. At first I was bitterly disappointed with the low-budget robotic effects, mediocre action scenes and Mark Wahlberg nowhere to be seen. The problem is that I had booked for Transformers 3 but walked into the wrong cinema. Chappie is a pretty good movie though. Before that I watched District 9. It was amazing. I can’t wait for District 10 to come out.

Earliest memory you have of Durban? My pre-school in Durban North. Life was pretty sweet back then. I could nap whenever I wanted to and I had about seven girlfriends. And a puppy.

If you were mayor for the day, what would you do?

I’d institute a policy whereby all municipal managers have their position reviewed annually, based on their performance over the past 12 months. If you don’t perform – you’re out. I’d also make a three-day weekend and completely remove Mondays from all calendars. Your favourite hangout spot in Durban? The beach.

The best kept secret in the city? The comedy scene is growing beautifully. And we have some of SA’S best comedians living right here in the city. Best place to let your hair down? Just over my ears.

Who do you call when you want to have fun and where in the city do you go? My business partner and best friend, Jess Knauf. We head to Circus Circus, North Beach for a top breakfast while we sit and laugh at the park runners.

A shop you rely on? The little convenience store inside my flat block – they’re open from 7pm to 9pm every day. Favourite theme park? Mamba Skate Park, Ballito.

Which is your favourite market or mall in South Africa? I like the Morning Trade (Station Road) – great food, chilled vibe.

Which building in Durban would you like to own? The Pearls, umhlanga. Then I would sell it and buy a bank to keep all the money.

Which building would you like to be locked in overnight? The Krispy Kreme Doughnuts store in Gateway. Seriously. Best. Doughnuts. Ever.

What’s the one thing people need to stop doing in Durban? Complaining about the “freezing weather” when it’s 18º out and we’re still regularly swimming in the sea. Or complaining about the “hectic traffic” when it still only takes you 20 minutes to get to work.

Complaining that “there’s never anything to do in Durban” when there’s a plethora of awesome events, markets, shows

Where is the best view of Durban? My flat. Also, it’s pretty hard to beat the view from the sky car at the top of the stadium. Best place for a nightcap? I don’t drink.

What’s the one thing that differentiates Durban from other cities in SA? The heat. Even in winter we swim and play outside.

Where would you suggest first-time visitors go to get the best experience of the city? The promenade. It’s a lovely walk from Pirates Surf all the way to ushaka, with a ton of places to stop at along the way.

What do you do on a Sunday morning?

I’m up early playing Xbox with my son. We play “survival mode” on Modern Warfare 3 and basically shoot the hell out of everything for about two hours! It’s a good father-son bonding time.