BETWEEN US

DO you want to escape your life? Are you bored? Do you feel like you are stagnating? Are the responsibilities and humdrum of your life making you feel flat and uninspired?

Mid-life is a time of flux. This period is often characterised by people changing or disrupting their lives radically.

The most common and familiar signs are extramarital affairs, divorces, changes in career and a desire to change or leave one’s current lifestyle. It can also be experienced as having a great sense of boredom or disillusionment with one’s life. A feeling of “is this all there is?” ageing and mortality

Fuelled by wanting to leave a legacy/mark

Facing the demise of one's own youthfulness, desirability Dead ended in one's career A feeling of being passed over for younger talent

Male mid-life is often seemingly more visible. We are all familiar with the classic archetype of an ageing playboy. Men seem more evident in the acting out of their impending loss of virility. They act this out by validating themselves through engaging with youth. Almost as if this an elixir that will re-energise and re potentiate them.

However, mid-life for both genders encompasses a far greater spectre than the obvious which is an extra-marital affair. The extramarital affair can be symptomatic of a greater issue, which could be a yearning for adventure, disillusionment, boredom or rebellion against the current status quo.

Female mid-life is slightly more nuanced. Traditionally it has been characterised by menopause, and therefore a female mid-life experience is deemed to be more a physiological experience than a phenomenological one. However, this research is changing, given women’s equanimity.

Women too are susceptible to the loss of their youth and virility. There is a rise in the number of older women (known as cougars) seeking younger partners.

There is a great emphasis on parts of our culture on youthfulness and physical desirability, and this can also fuel dissatisfaction and unease with ageing. Western culture also places less value on the wisdom of the older generation. A crisis is when the symptoms are full-blown, you have quit your job to be a DJ in Ibiza, and there are school fees to be paid and a mortgage to service.

An awakening is when you feel the rumblings of a malaise. You are bored, but you haven’t yet acted on it. You are bored in your relationship/marriage and seeking excitement.

You have a yearning to pack it all in and escape. We all have these temptations occasionally and life isn’t always as exciting as you want it to be.

However, if these feelings are persistent and ever-present, if you feel depressed and locked in, you are possibly experiencing the transition which, if left unchecked, could lead to a crisis.

Don’t be rash. Examine truly whether what you presently have in your life is worth salvaging. It could be that you have outgrown parts of your life, your marriage, your job.

The last time you probably

Niehaus is a psychotherapist with a specialisation in trauma therapy. She consults internationally and in South Africa, to a broad base of clients, on relationships, personal growth, trauma, conflict management and self- actualisation. She has a particular interest in the psychology of love, mid-life transition and awakening.

Unconscious motivators for behaviour, drives and relationships motivated her to establish an academy for adult actualisation, specialising in relationship insight and intrinsic growth using the principles of depth psychology and the symbology of myth and story-telling. She is a frequent contributor to Radio 702 and

Dstv’s Real Health.