Why the mommy quit the blog
‘MOM, how do all these people know me?” It was near the holidays three years ago when my children began to realise they lived their lives in the public sphere. I had been blogging since they were toddlers, having started in 2010 when blogging was still a viable option for stay-at-home moms trying to reclaim their identities while reaching a community of like-minded, sympathetic individuals. By the time my twins were 6, my daily writing had attracted a modest following. People were starting to share my work beyond my circles.
A few of my memes went viral, a few essays made the rounds on news aggregation. I was not a big deal. My children thought I was. They thought they were.
One of them, in mid-november 2014, picked up my phone after I had uploaded a picture of a first lost tooth. The likes and comments were pouring in. Moms and blog audiences are supportive about these small milestones.
She was thrilled. All of these people, virtually lining up to stare at her face. Soon the kids were asking me to share videos, jokes, close-ups, action shots. They wanted to show off for my audience. They wanted followers and subscribers and likes and comments before they even knew what the internet was.
Most mommy bloggers who give it up cite their children getting older and a need for more privacy. As our children grow, our sense of ownership over them lessens. At first, they seem like extensions of us, as if we have a right to them and our consent is theirs.
That feeling fades and parent bloggers start to question not only continuing to cash in on their struggles but having written anything about their kids.
I was not worried about my girls being hurt, offended or angered at their lives on public display. Instead, I was worried I had stripped them of the boundaries they needed to feel those feelings in the first place.
As a female writer on the internet, no one knows more than me the intense danger that comes from being in the public sphere, even if you are simply living your life. People can threaten, cajole, hurt and insult – they could come for you if you say the wrong thing or give too much information.
My children have seen my following, and how we interact. To them, these people represent the entirety of the internet. We are all happy mom-like figures, sharing pictures, stories and good times.
The internet seemed like a big playroom to them.
If their mother thinks the internet is a safe place for their lives to unfold, then it must be so. They had no fear, no safety guards in place. Now that my children are 9, when they want to play online games, they have to know what they can share and what they must not. As kids who have lived in a safe world thus far, it is beyond their capacity to understand that not everyone is as they seem on the internet. And it remains my job to protect them.
I did not quit mommy blogging to preserve their autonomy and grant them the privacy they deserve as independent human beings. They would give me their consent to continue in a heartbeat.
Being public does not bother them at all. And that is why I quit. Not to preserve their privacy but to salvage their desire for such privacy so that as they become adults there is something there to preserve. – The Washington Post