Dating in the time of technology
Trying to find love in our hi-tech world of today can be a bit daunting
STEPPING out into the world of dating now holds an entirely new set of rules and behaviours for those who have come out of a long-term marriage or relationship and are looking to date again.
You find yourself in the maelstrom of the modern dating world with dating skills that feel somewhat dated.
Online dating, cyber sex, dating via Whatsapp – where has the romance gone?
The most common way to meet new people seems to be online.
For someone not used to this type of activity, this can be daunting. How does one put together an online profile? How much detail is appropriate? A common fear is how to discern if a potential date is genuine and safe? How easy is it to move from a virtual chat into a real date?
Choose the medium you feel most comfortable with – if it’s not online dating, join an activity that is not out of your comfort zone, such as cooking classes, a movie club or a sporting activity. Look for ways of making new friends rather than hunting for a new partner.
Online dating is a novel way of meeting people outside your regular circle. I encourage clients not to indulge in lengthy virtual relationships, as these can be illusory.
Meeting the partner in real life is important. Many people have been heartbroken to discover that they have fallen in love with an online illusion and are embarrassed to admit this.
Dating the second time around can be nerve-wracking. If you start dating too soon after being widowed, divorced or separated, you are at risk of tainting a potentially good relationship, with your own issues that you haven’t yet worked through.
For example, you may see, in a new partner, the residue of your last relationship, such as trust issues, resulting in you becoming over-controlling or needy, ultimately punishing your new partner for the sins of your last one.
If, however, you choose to take the time to discover what happened in your last relationship, you will be better equipped to see where your own baggage lies and what your role was in the demise of the relationship.
By doing so, this will help you to start a new relationship in a wiser and richer way, making positive use of your previous relationships, instead of turning them into embittered experiences and wondering why you can’t find love.
Louisa is a psychotherapist specialising in trauma therapy. She consults internationally and in South Africa, to a broad base of clients, on relationships, personal growth, trauma, conflict management and selfactualisation.
She has a particular interest in the psychology of love, midlife transition and awakening. Unconscious motivators for behaviour, drives and relationships motivated Louisa to establish an academy for adult actualisation, specialising in relationship insights and intrinsic growth using the principles of depth psychology.
Louisa is a frequent contributor to Radio 702 and Dstv’s Real Health.
https://www.louisaniehaus. com/
https://www.louisaniehaus. com/midlife-mastery/