Give yourself time to grieve after death of a loved one
IT WAS Rabindranath Tagore, that great Indian born in Calcutta awarded the Nobel prize for literature in 1913, who said: “Death is not putting out the lamp but putting out the light because the dawn has come.”
The manner in which the promising, innocent and Godfearing little Sadia Sukhraj’s life was taken not only shocked the Chatsworth-shallcross community; it evoked a reaction nationwide.
Such callous criminal acts have become a phenomenon. Chatsworth, and Shallcross in particular, has been punctuated with serious crimes at a terrifying rate.
As a man of the cloth, I can take this to God in prayer and mobilise the communities into social cohesion.
Crime in Chatsworth and Shallcross has become endemic, affecting people of all ages and walks of life. The tragic loss of our precious angel Sadia left us stone cold.
On a biblical or spiritual level, we console ourselves with the fact that unearned suffering is redemptive.
How can we be devoid of emotion, the inexplicable pain, anguish and sheer sense of hopelessness in the wake of this brazen, brutal and cold act of violence that denied us as a family our precious Sadia.
True happiness and hope are not merely the absence of fear and tension, but the presence of justice, security, hope and peace for all in a country that belongs to all its people equally.
The two imposters fear and hope cannot be treated the same.
The complexity of the crime situation in Chatsworth and its surrounding areas demands the attention of the highest office in the land.
In the wake of this loss, all we can do is transform the frail form of our emotions into a pillar of strength, a higher force.
Our intellectual limitations as humans do not enable us to come to terms with this tragedy.
In this unforgiving hour, as a family we do not have guns to respond to this loss; nor do we have hatred for any group but register our anguish at this abominable act.
We shall instead embrace the most enduring weapon and force given to us by our heavenly father, which is love.
The death of a loved one is painful and devastating. It is one of the most traumatic life events imaginable.
It can leave us feeling empty, helpless and bitter. Many people around us might not feel our pain and hurt. Denial and anger may set in.
To heal, it is important to face your grief and deal with it.
Dealing with the death of a loved one is a process. It should be a healthy grieving process, even though it is painful.
Everyone deals with death differently. Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief.
Allow yourself to cry when you want to. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. It is just an expression of your feelings of sadness.
Talking about your horrific experience is also therapeutic. This is when the healing process actually begins. Having the face to face support of other people is vital for one’s healing.
One must work through one’s emotions. Keeping busy and making yourself happy helps you to heal and start living again.
Comfort can also come from just being around others who care about you and want to see you happy again.
Never neglect your physical needs.
Make an effort to care for yourself even if it’s difficult. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you to get through this difficult time.
Maintaining a normal, healthy sleep schedule is also of utmost importance. Having sufficient sleep prevents fatigue from setting in.
Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right and exercising.
Always cherish the beautiful memories of your loved ones and continue their legacies.
Holidays, birthdays and certain events will trigger memories. Reminiscing may be painful at first, but with time one begins to treasure those memories.
Celebrate their lives instead of focusing on their death. One is allowed to take as much time as one needs to heal.
One must concentrate on finding peace past the pain. Often friends and family offer valuable support and comfort when you’re experiencing the death of a loved one. Accept this warmth, love and support. Sometimes it might be necessary to join a support group or go for professional counselling.
If one is experiencing symptoms of prolonged grief, a therapist can provide valuable assistance. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your healing.
Whatever the grief you are experiencing, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to unfold naturally.
After all, death is a part of life that every individual will face at some time. It must be confronted and dealt with sensibly.
The Rev Cyril Pillay is the lead pastor at the People’s Church of God in Chatsworth. He conducted Sadia Sukhraj’s funeral this week.