THE AFTER-CRIME: CHEESED OFF BY POLICE SERVICE
Aries (March 21 - April 20)
Past frustrations have largely been due to others imposing their will on you, but you now regain control. This week unearths hidden talents that dazzle even you.
Taurus (April 21 - May 20)
This week, focus on going solo. This will turn heads, and you’ll encounter both support and envy. But what really shocks is that someone close may not be trustworthy, so take care with your secrets.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
As you step up the ladder of success, you won’t be lonely at the top. Friends, family and colleagues all rally with you. Romance becomes more exciting.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
It’s one of those times when you feel like disconnecting devices and dead-locking the doors. You just need some time out. With luck, everyone will respect how you feel.
Leo (July 23 - August 23)
If plans are compromised by a lack of funds, don’t let this ruin a potentially fun time. Instead, go find some great company and get out there, and play.
Virgo (August 24 - September 22) You’re over worked, over stressed and trying to balance work with play sometimes seems impossible. So this week you need to slow it right down. Then dissuade others from nudging you forward. Libra (September 23 - October 23)
Call it a happy accident or synchronicity – whatever the reason, this week – you’re blessed with good fortune. Love comes well within reach. It’s also a great time to let others know how much you love them.
Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)
If you’ve been putting off a tough conversation, you might be forced to do just that. It’s a sobering moment, but also a chance to own up to your role in a conflict.
Sagittarius (November 23 - December 21) When it comes to fighting spirit, you’re fully armed this week. New solutions to old problems arrive in an instant.
With this energy comes a demand for recognition. Life may feel a tad unsteady, but exhilarating.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) Good fortune is coming your way on many levels in the next few weeks, but you must stay ahead of the game. Best news? Finances goals draw nearer.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
It’s knowledge that creates success – so impress others with your intellect. If love’s on your mind, it shouldn’t be too difficult to deliver a knockout sales pitch.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Special romance could gently stroll into your life, marking the beginning of longlasting love. But be charmingly evasive if asked about your past. Just for now, anyway. I WAS robbed on a Sunday morning, just as I arrived at a speaking engagement. I shouted for help, but alas – there went my phone. Four security guards emerged out of the little house at the boom gate. Where had they been? This is Joburg, what else do you do? At least they didn’t hurt me, right?
As reality set in, I borrowed a smartphone from a member of the event team and followed the drill: Sounded the phone alarm to annoy them, then checked to see if my phone was still online for tracking purposes, then remotely deleted everything on it. Only then did I get upset.
If you have never had to report a crime, then you would not know the further irritation of having to deal with the police. I can tell you that you are at their mercy and they know it.
On this particular occasion, I arrived armed with as much preparation as possible: IMEI and ITC numbers written legibly on a piece of paper. Address where the incident took place and events as clearly narrated as possible. Extra two pens for luck. Two options for identity. Rescue remedy.
Reporting was fun. I was sent to a cubicle where I waited for 20 minutes. I felt like I was in a room where hopes and the will to live go to die. Eventually the officer returned, asking her colleagues for stationery. Turns out they had run out. Of forms, of paper, of pens. She managed to dig the last form out from somewhere in the back.
She asked me if I had a pen. I nearly hi-fived myself. She asked me for the IMEI and ITC numbers. I smiled. I gave those to her before we came to sit this side. She blinked. She asked me if I had them written somewhere else – perhaps even on my phone. I smiled widely. My phone was stolen and, no, I gave her the only source of those numbers. She breathed. I breathed. She got up. Twenty-five minutes later, she was back with the piece of paper. She asked me what the value of my phone was. I gave a ballpark figure, but she asked me if I couldn’t just Google it on my phone. I smiled but my mouth twitched. Her colleague walked in. I asked her how much she thought the phone cost. She answered quickly. The very amount I had offered.
In the time that I had been waiting for stationery to be found, a young man arrived to report his phone. He was received by a cop with a terrible stutter and an apparent hearing problem. This young man repeated himself so many times I could confidently re-report his incident verbatim. He still finished before me. I popped a rescue remedy. At least I wasn’t hurt, right?