INJURY TIME

POMPOUS POM

Tweeting from his high colonialist horse, The Daily Mail’s (ya, we know) Paul Newman attempted to “gaslight” South Africa, with a thinly disguised tone of superiority. “Dean Elgar talked a good game before the final Test,” tweeted Newman after South Africa quite understandably chose not to agree to a fourth day for the Oval match. “But South Africa’s refusal to stay another day smacks of conservatism and a desire to protect their place in the World Test Championship final with a draw.” Firstly Paul, South Africa can do exactly what it wants. It is no longer beholden to England. We’re sure there are history books you can read, Paul, that will tell you that.

ENGLAND FORGETS…

Besides, as was pointed out to Paul, England is in no position to criticise South Africa for wanting to leave – when scheduled. Remember when England’s cricketers bitched and moaned after one Covid case and abandoned their tour to South Africa in 2020? That was after they spent a number of days out playing golf. Then a lot of their players didn’t head home, instead going to Australia to earn money in the Big Bash tournament.

FAMILY COMES FIRST

The South African players chose to stick with the original schedule as it allows them more time at home with their families. Most of the coaching staff and many of the players have been in England since the start of July. After a week or so at home, they head to India for a limited overs tour and then from there straight to Australia for the T20 World Cup. Following that tour, they will have a few days at home and then head back to Australia – over the festive season – for a three-match Test series. So, them wanting to spend as much time at home is perfectly understandable. But Newman didn’t think about that – he’s English, they can only think of themselves.

NO FANCY DRESS

Anyway, all this mourning over a monarch frankly got ridiculous. Well done to the England Cricket Board for recognising that sport could go ahead. However, some of the stipulations for spectators to The Oval are frankly ridiculous. Apparently “fancy dress” has been banned. Presumably they will allow alcohol to be served. So you can get drunk, but you can’t do so while dressed up as the Pink Panther.

HER MAJESTY REAL SERVICE

One historian posted on Twitter: “The UK should have got 40% of the Queen’s loot via inheritance tax. But in that “lifetime of service” the Queen got laws changed to exempt Charles from inheritance tax. That is on top of ensuring the secrecy of those billions.”

‘BUM RETURN’

Frances Tiafoe initially couldn’t believe that former US First Lady, Michelle Obama, turned up to watch his semi-final on Friday night at the US Open against Carlos Alcaraz. “Yeah, I just looked at her, and then they showed her on the jumbotron. Later I shanked a return, and I was thinking, yeah, now she probably thinks I’m a bum, I can’t make a return.”

NO PARKING FOR YOU

Boy, it’s gotten petty among the golfers. After one’s wife described to another’s wife a boring visit to a vineyard in Napa Valley, now the parking spot has been taken away from the reigning champion of the PGA’S Tour Player Championship, Cameron Smith. It’s all about the LIV tour vs everyone else. Cameron Smith, who won the Tour Championship earlier this year, would normally be given a number of privileges including a parking spot for the year that he is champion, at the TPC Sawgrass venue in Florida. However, in a sensationally petty move, all those privileges have been revoked from Smith after he signed his $145 million deal with the Saudi-backed rebel circuit. “If they go to LIV, they don’t have any of their (PGA) Tour privileges at TPC properties,” said TPC Sawgrass general manager Derek Sprague. Yikes.