Mzansilicious
IF WE REDO THE FOREIGN TALK...
DON T you wonder what pop’ ular overseas talk shows would be like if infused with a Mzansi flavour?
Shwashwi thinks it d be something like this:
Khaba Lenja with Trevor Gumbi replaces The Jerry Springer Show. He-said-she-said, I m mar’ rying my cousin or sister tomorrow, baby-mama dramas... you name it.
Mr Gumbi will (at a safe distance) watch behind his thick glasses with a straight face as a bunch of shameless men and women share stories that should never see the light of day on national telly.
Carrying an age restriction of 18, an SNL warning and uncensored images and subtitles, the show will air on weekdays at 11pm.
The View becomes Shhh, We re Yapping!
Comedian Tumi Morake, Edith Venter and Evita Bezuidenhout will host the hour-long show seated at a round table with a bottle of whisky placed strategically at the centre. They ll regularly top up ’ their glasses while discussing fascinating topics that leave the viewers exhausted.
Viewers will be warned to turn the volume down to a minimum to prevent eardrum damage. Fashion Police OMG I Can t! becomes with Somizi Mhlongo and Natanielle Roux.
The two divas will open every show with a well-choreographed dance routine.
They will then present seated on gold-plated, dia- mond-studded thrones with tiaras on their heads.
In custom-made faux (please) mink coats and a glass of French champagne in hand, they ll trash every known celeb ’ who committed a fashion crime that week.
Lawsuit papers for defamation of character and emotional distress suits will be placed in a glass bowl and drawn every week to decide which case to attend to.
The Tyra Banks Show will be The Mirriam Ngomani Ramp.
The model and businesswoman will present the show on a runway ramp with teen girls screaming from beginning to end and giggling at everything she says. Just like Tyra, she d go the ’ whole love yourself, you re “’ beautiful route.
” And of course what s a talk ’ show without freebies and giveaways?
Just to attract a lot of the celebs who like free things.
Just For Control, Nje replaces The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
Hosted by Amstel Moabe, it will centre around the self-confessed Dramatic Diva himself. Of course. He will spend the first 10 minutes talking about his colourful wardrobe and upcoming album.
Flicking his long curly dreadlocks and batting his thick eyelids, Moabe will then grill Mzansi schlebs seated on a comfy leather couch.
A random comedian will rock up outta the blue to crack the funniest jokes and interrupt the session before being dragged out by security. Yes, that ’ ll be part of the script.
The Late Show with David Letterman becomes Don t Touch Me on My Studio with Chris Maroleng.
The first episode will feature ... ahem ... AWB secretary general André Visagie in the hotseat. A video of their 2010 infamous encounter will be aired as a reminder of their little misunderstanding. They ll then make ’ peace by showering each other with gifts, and share a hearty laugh and a hug! Maroleng s ’ guests will be mostly politicians, deputy ministers and MECs.
And because it ll be a live show, ’ mistakes will be aplenty, with the guests making it obvious they re reading the ’ teleprompter.
For obvious reasons, security guards will be present before, during and after.
Cheaters becomes Ayeye! with Slindile Nodangala.
Generations Mam Ruby will hunt down those breaking one or more of the 10 Commandments.
Unlike the US version, the bouncers won ’ t stop the distraught “victim ” from moering their cheating lover.
In fact, a baton or sjambok will be provided for their convenience.
A random selection of witnesses will be given a chance to comment towards the end of the episode.
The cheat will attempt to leave the country.