Stingy men a new subculture
Pockets of women still depend on men for livelihood
The Stingy Men’s Association of South Africa is making waves online. As the name suggests, this is a group of guys who frown on giving money or gifts to their partners.
I suspect the group is an offshoot of the Men’s Conference, founded ahead of Valentine’s Day in 2019 to counsel men against spoiling their women on the day dedicated to romance. The virtual conference did not take place.
The association has amassed over 60 000 members. Membership is strictly reserved for men, although an odd woman has slipped through the criteria and raised the ire of the members.
I joined the association although I do not share its stated mission to withhold support for the opposite gender.
For starters, the association assumes that all or most women enter into a relationship for financial gain.
That may be true for the slay queens, but nowadays more women are breadwinners in their own right. They are single parents who eke out a living to raise their children abandoned by their fathers.
Gone are the days when women kept the home fires burning while the men trekked to the mines to provide cheap labour.
These days women are more than capable of buying their own drinks at restaurants, driving their posh cars and bonding their apartments or townhouses. So, why is the Stingy Men’s Association appealing to so many guys?
Well, there are still pockets of women who depend on men for their entertainment, clothing, hairstyles, airtime, taxi fares and much more. That’s the socio-economic phenomena that gave rise to the scourge of sugardaddies and blessers.
Poverty has seen many young women prostrate themselves to bearded men with big boeps for a ride in their Mercedes-benz and fancy hotel stay or bed and breakfast establishments.
On a couple of occasions, I’ve had requests for
money from women I don’t even know from Eve. While I’ve been tempted to provide, I’ve relied on my instincts to smell a rat from afar.
The funny thing with the Stingy Men’s Association is that it is mute on whether the scrooge habit should be extended to fellow men. For instance, there are many impoverished guys who shebeen-hop on weekends hoping to bump into someone who’ll buy them a beer.
Known as ice boys, they are quick to organise women for their moneyed brethren and they always seem to know where the vibe is happening.
The ice boys may not ask for money, but they are the fuel
that ensures those with the moola spend lavishly. They are the wings of a party and are generous enough to let moreki (the buyer) choose the one-night stand before settling for the leftovers.
But the Stingy Men’s Association is very strict on guys who crumble at the sight of a kanga. For instance, when a picture of a guy flirting with Nicki Minaj look-alike is posted, the members are quick to lament: “Man down. I repeat, man down!”
It all seems like innocent fun except that in our fluid intergender relations, there must be guys who are lapping it all up and practising what the association preaches.