All bad habits must fall and good life flourish
Of Zille starring in a reality TV show and Cele’s love life
Januworry blues has Shwa bored and frustrated with very little going on in my social life.
But it’s been a time for reflection and to unpack a few issues.
Shwa hopes that as Covivi regulations fade away, so will some of my friends in the publicity space. Some of y’all behave as if you are the celebrities.
And these award organisers? Who among you decided that Master KG should win the “Fashion Icon of the Year” award? Jesu! Shwa must be a blind bat when it comes to the definition of stylish then.
And for heaven’s sake – can we stop with the sangoma mumbo jumbo. Every celebrity simply cannot claim it’s their calling.
Shwa’s besties who call themselves feminists – can we chill with the “frienemy” vibes.
Ntsiki Mazwai hating everyone shouldn’t be the way forward, nana.
Can Carl Niehaus also tell us what really happened to his mother?
Can our soccer players take their careers more seriously this year instead of chasing hot girls, Gucci and Vrrrrrpas? And while at it, can you take classes on how to save cash while you are still hot because your careers are short-lived. We’re tired donating for funerals.
To our dear politicians, can we read more of your involvement in social development programmes instead of chasing slay queens with bought skin tones.
Will Real House Wives of Cape Town include Helen Zille in its cast? She has been faking sisterhood with black girls, I want to see if it’s real. TV doesn’t lie.
Now that the county is open, can we also see more of Minister Bheki Cele and his lovely wife Thembeka? Rumours have been swirling about their separate lives and Shwa refuses to believe it.
By the way, can Malusi Gigaba tell us about his new love life? He seems to be glowing these days.
And Somizi Mhlongo needs to come clean and confess if it’s him who taught Bra Tito Mboweni how to cook that chicken stew? By the way, is JJ Tabane’s insides okay after meeting with the former minister?
Can Fikile Mbalula also tell Shwa why he calls himself “Mr Fix” but sends a licence card making machine to Germany for repairs? Is it an April’s Fools joke minister, because wow?
Arthur Mafokate needs to come clean and tell Shwa what tokoloshe juice he is drinking? Dude hasn’t aged since he first told us not to call him the K-word back in the 1990s. With two young bambinos going back to school this week, he’s clearly still attractive.
Sonia Mbele too, mama is hot for days. But still on hot dads, Kabelo Mabalane has some strong genes with a daughter that looks like his replica – and when did the little one start school? Shwa can’t imagine anyone calling you madala.
Zodwa Wabantu, can you also please just stop tightening every part of your body? Maybe try another hobby this month. To Thuso Mbedu. You are not Shwa’s Lupita Nyongo. You’re magic on your own and Shwa is proud to say that without your talent in The Underground Railroad, it would never have scooped a Golden Globe. Fly the flag high. Trevor Noah, Shwa respects and loves you, but please do consider that haircut I’ve been nagging you about. And oh, where did you learn those awful dance moves?