‘It is high time African women discuss sex’
Sex talks should not be taboo for black women, says filmmaker
The taboo of black women having sex talks has been ignored over the years but it will now be boldly discussed in the upcoming Black Women and Sex film.
The film is the brainchild of local pan-african businesswoman Godisamang Khunou, who documents the sexual desires and ideas of happy and intimate relationships of three African women from South Africa, Nigeria and Zambia.
Khunou said the idea came when she realised that African women weren’t open to the idea of talking about their bedroom life. She said she remembered feeling like a “whore” as a young girl who enjoyed sex but later realised there was nothing wrong with wanting sexual pleasures but everything wrong with being restricted from talking about it.
She said she did not understand why women bottled up their feelings towards sex and conversations around it as some African tribes took young girls to an initiation school where they were taught how to pleasure men while enjoying the moment themselves.
“My eagerness to understand the tension between black women and the politics of sex exposed me to information that there are cultures that initiate young girls as of 16 years of age on how they can pleasure their men. You might not believe me but I learnt that women are actually taught how to move during sex, what to eat to improve their libido and the herbs they need to use to tighten their vagina. With all this education, women still feel it is immoral to discuss how they prefer sex and sometimes hold back from telling their husbands when they are horny or the positions they would prefer,” said Khunou.
The traditional camp to teach women about sexual pleasure was attended by Iris Kaingu, the daughter of former Zambian education minister Michael Kaingu, who was interviewed alongside South African transwoman Glow Makitsi and Nigerian Olawumi Fakayejois, who was in a polygamous marriage. All three agreed that women should start being vocal about all their needs.
Kaingu discussed her imprisonment for breaking pornography laws after her ex-boyfriend leaked their sex-tape to try to publicly dehumanise, shame and ridicule her. But she took the opportunity to venture into politics to voice the changes needed to the sexist laws. She boldly took a bikini picture and later appeared in body paint, and posted the images online to help restore self-confidence among women.
“Younger and older women have had an issue with presenting themselves. They wouldn’t mind masturbating but you wouldn’t dare tell your partner. Truth is that they need to know what pleasures us as much as we want to know what pleasures them.
Some African cultures teach young girls about sex
“I tried having this conversation with my grandmother. To my surprise, she said she became a mother and a grandmother without really understanding it [sex]. If we have more sex talks, we can curb teenage pregnancy.”