Queen B and Big Zulu: let’s imagine them on a date
After so much death in the entertainment fraternity, media personality Bonang Matheba and Big Zulu managed to give Mzansi something to giggle about during our sorrows.
The one with Brentwood trousers seems to have forgotten his mother’s teachings about Jozi girls. Were you not told to be careful of “amantombazane ase Goli” before leaving the bundus for the dizzy lights of Gauteng? Passop wena Big Zulu.
But Shwa must admit your cozy moment had me thinking and imagining if the two of you really went on a date. Now that would be the real National Date, not that gimmick between Pearl Thusi and the unknown entity she went on a date with.
Many of us bondaba and hopeless romantics were left hoping that there could be more between these two, so I decided to make it Shwashwi’s mission to make sure that these two go on a public imaginary date.
Just imagine the two of them, Big Zulu is sexy enough and has deep pockets too, something a phly girl like B will enjoy, and we all know that Queen B does not come cheap. Judging by her spending habits we don’t doubt she would not settle for less when it comes to dating.
In case you’re not aware – her arm might cost more than Big Zulu’s Brentwood. Those Cartier love bangles, Rolex and Cartier jewellery to name but a few, don’t come cheap. So, Big Zulu you better be prepared to bring a proper gift on the first date.
The venue would be Eleven Madison Park in New York. Wait! Do they allow Brentwood cloth in New York restaurants? And do they sell skopo?
Seems like Big Zulu already has a mountain to climb. Might as well take her to Kwa Mai Mai.
Next will be transportation – Queen B moves in style. Her G Wagon is a perfect example that she does not just hop into anything that moves, and since we in Jozi don’t have a sea, I can’t suggest a yacht – a jet will have to do. I mean, if Ayanda Thabethe’s man can splash money on her friends and family on a private plane, I’m sure you can too, Big Zulu. Ooops! Almost forgot the big man just bought a Range Rover Sport Supercharged. It seems car-wise you’re in Bonang’s league. Just fix the fashion and you may find yourself on a plane to New York. Have you been to the US before, Zulu?
Now we come to food. I’m sure if Lorna Maseko and Bonang were still on good terms, Lorna will be getting this cooking tender now, but sadly celeb friendships don’t last, they are shorter than their Instagram stories. As for drinks, Queen B would most probably insist they drink House of BNG and at that time Big Zulu wabatho would be yearning for his Kwa Mai Mai’s mhluzi. And Shwa hears there is a reason why men love to drink the concoction, but let’s not go there, for Bonang’s sake.