Sunday World - - World Of Sport -

WEL­COME to the Or­lando Pi­rates boot camp what used to be known as a soc­cer club.

Here you will leave your opin­ions at the door, with any rem­nants of fun, plea­sure and ex­cite­ment you de­rived from your job.

You ll an­swer to gen­eral Vladimir Ver­me­zovic, who is the only one whose opin­ion mat­ters.

There is no such thing as a club cap­tain and all play­ers shall take in­struc­tions from one man.

One among you will be nom­i­nated to iron the gen­eral s pre-match jock straps. This is the clos­est you will get to be­ing a cap­tain.

You will make sure the jock straps are bleached and re­main pearly white in time for each match.

Dis­sent is equal to trea­son, which shall be met with cor­po­ral pun­ish­ment or ter­mi­na­tion of con­tract.

Loy­alty will be re­warded with more loy­alty, but let it not be mis­taken for kind­ness or grat­i­tude.

Re­tire­ment letters are be­ing typed for play­ers over the age of 30.

The gen­eral is not your friend, buddy or pal.

You shall not tweet him, send him What­sApp mes­sages or text him.

Do not come to him with your celebrity re­la­tion­ship prob­lems or ask for a raise when you ve fallen be­hind on your papgeld pay­ments.

Your job is to obey him and fol­low

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his in­struc­tions.

If you miss a penalty dur­ing a game, you will be beaten.

If we lose to Kaizer Chiefs, you will be starved, then beaten.

If you are caught with a T-shirt bear­ing the words I do have Balz or any­thing to that ef­fect, you will be beaten and sent home.

That s the im­pres­sion Vlad V who was in­tro­duced as the new Pi­rates coach last week gave dur­ing his in­car­na­tion at Chiefs.

Maybe the beat­ing part is an ex­ag­ger­a­tion, but there was hardly a player VV didn t crit­i­cise in pub­lic.

No one was safe when his lash­ing tongue was let loose.

His core of se­nior play­ers were re­duced to wimps when he be­rated them for let­ting Ge­orge Lebese, then 22, take a penalty against La­montville Golden Ar­rows, which he missed in a 2-1 de­feat in 2011.

But Lehlo­honolo Ma­joro had the worst of it.

The striker was al­ways one mi­cro­phone away from be­ing told how he had a soft un­der­belly.

The Serb won two Telkom Knockout tro­phies dur­ing his time at Na­turena.

He has been brought in to toughen up the Sea Rob­bers, whose floun­der­ing dis­plays and off-field de­bauch­ery have led to a length­en­ing tro­phy drought.

Hold on to your hats, folks.

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