Deal first with the root of most anger: fear or pain

In challenging times, you may find you have little patience with other people or get upset over minor things.

Anger and frustration are complicated emotions that often stem from other feelings like disappointment, fear and stress.

The root of most anger is fear and pain (disappointment).

Taking some extra steps to decrease your overall tension can prevent your feelings (and the reactions they cause) from spiralling out of control.

Tips for coping:

1. Pause before reacting: When you feel yourself getting mad, take a moment to notice what you’re thinking, then take a few deep breaths or count to ten.

By giving yourself a few seconds before reacting, you can put some emotional distance between yourself and what is upsetting you – and you may realise you’re actually tense because of something else.

2. Change your surroundings: Anger can make you feel trapped.

Whether you’re mad at someone in the same room as you or just angry at the world, physically relocating yourself can help you calm down.

Go to another room or step outside for a few minutes of fresh air to help disrupt the track your mind is on.

3. Get it all out: Keeping your feelings all bottled up never works, so allow yourself time to be angry and complain.

As long as you don’t focus on it for too long, venting can be an outlet for your anger, or open up to a trusted friend or write it down in a journal.

Sometimes it feels better to pretend to talk directly to the person or situation you’re angry at – pick an empty chair, pretend they are sitting in it, and say what you need to get it off your chest.

4. Release built up energy: Anger is a high-energy emotion, and we store that tension physically in our bodies.

Exercise is a great way to get rid of extra energy and can improve your mood.

Some people find exercise like meditation and deep breathing helpful to calm intense feelings, while others prefer more high impact activities such as running.

5. Get organised: When things around you feel chaotic, it’s often a lot easier to get frustrated and snap at people.

Dedicate a few minutes a day to tidying, planning or reorganising.

Implementing a routine can also help you feel more on top of things by adding structure and certainty to your daily life.

6. Eliminate stressors if possible: Sometimes there’s no way to completely get rid of a big problem, but there’s often more than just one issue contributing to your frustration.

Pay attention to how and why you’re feeling stressed and try make small changes to improve a challenging situation to make it less burdensome.

7. Manage your expectations: Negative feelings often stem from people or situations not meeting your standards or assumptions.

It’s frustrating to feel let down but recognise that you can’t fully predict anyone else’s behaviour or how situations will play out. Shift your mental framework so you aren’t setting yourself up for disappointment.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask for help: If you’re working to cope with your anger, but feel like you can’t get it under control it’s time to get some extra support.

Anger can fester and become explosive if not resolved. A number of mental conditions can manifest as anger, which may be a sign of depression or anxiety – treating underlying conditions can help you heal your anger as well.

Contact Ruleen de Witt, should you like to join the support group meeting every month in Kenton-on-Sea, or if you need some help with dealing with loss or grief, on 084-280-9126.

The SA Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag) also have a support group meeting on a Sunday at 4pm. Contact Dr Glenda Hick on 046-624-8500.