It takes strength for men to seek help

The latest statistics prove SA has the third highest suicide rate on the continent, with more men than women dying by suicide. It is clear the conversation about men’s mental health is long overdue as men continue to bottle up their feelings and frustrations.

The consequences of not speaking about mental health issues are showing themselves through the level of road rage, substance abuse and violence (including gender-based violence and domestic violence). Men sometimes feel if they go for help, especially psychological help for depression or anxiety, it is a sign of weakness. Once they understand it is as valid as any physical illness, they are more likely to seek treatment.

Toxic masculinity plays a major role in why men are reluctant to speak about their mental health struggles. You often hear people saying “boys don’t cry”. But if you are not allowed to express your emotions, it will come out in a very unhealthy way, such as violence or substance abuse.

Parents need to teach boys about their feelings and how to express them. If men don’t cry, they make other people cry.

The Covid-19 pandemic had a huge impact on people mentally and socially.

Mental health care resources are insufficient. Our budget for mental health in three of nine provinces is only 5% of the healthcare budget.

If you are not on medical aid, it is even more difficult to get help.

Access to mental health care is essential and we are thankful for the great work Sadag (South Africa Depression and Anxiety Group) are doing through their toll free helplines.

How depression presents in men

Depression in men is often overlooked as many find it difficult to talk about their feelings. They focus more on the physical symptoms of depression such as back pain, headaches, difficulty in sleeping, or sexual problems, loss of interest in hobbies, work, and fatigue and concentration problems. They are also more likely to experience “stealth” depression symptoms such as anger, substance abuse and agitation, so their behaviours may appear destructive or indifferent. Their loved ones may view their actions as malicious or cruel, not knowing the underlying pain that it is causing them.

How does a person know they’re depressed? If you identify with several of the following you may have depression:

You feel hopeless and helpless

You’ve lost interest in friends, activities, and things you use to enjoy

You’re much more irritable, short tempered, or aggressive than normal

You’re consuming more alcohol, engaging in reckless behaviour or self-medicating

You feel restless and agitated

Your sleep and appetite has changed

You can’t concentrate or your productivity at work has declined.

You can’t control your negative thoughts.

Suicidal thoughts

If you are feeling suicidal, problems don’t seem temporary

they seem overwhelming and permanent. If you recognise the above, reach out: help is just a phone call away.

You are a human being, you have feelings and it is healthy to express them: it is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of life.

We have a lot to deal with daily: crime, poverty, illness, trauma, grief and loss, violence. On top of that, we have loadshedding, dysfunctional municipalities, political uncertainty and much more.

So we really need to give ourselves a break. When negative thoughts overwhelm you, it’s important to remember this is a symptom of depression.

The trouble is that these irrational attitudes can be tough to give up. You can’t just break out of a pessimistic frame of mind by telling yourself to “just think positive”.

If you can, try to identify the type of negative thoughts that are fuelling your depression, and replace them with a more balanced way of thinking. This takes a lot of practice.

But most of all, don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance. Contact the Sadag toll-free suicide helpline 0800567-567 (24 hours), or CIPLA mental health helpline 0800456-789, or CIPLA WhatsApp line from 9am 4pm on 0768822775. You can also SMS SADAG 31393, available 24 hours a day.