Long life? Cat’s out of the bag

Sleep is for the birds. Or so I was led to believe over the years. But, thinking about it, do birds sleep? Where did the expression originate?

The dictionary tells a weird tale. “Worthless, not to be taken seriously, no good. For example, ‘Politicians are for the birds’. This term has been said to allude to horse droppings from which birds would extract seeds”. Hey?

What has this got to do with the price of eggs? Sorry, I digress.

Scientists have it that sleep is essential to longevity. Look at the animals, they say. All animals (no mention of birds) have cat naps.

I’m confused. Do other animals have cat naps? How would dogs feel about having cat naps? Won’t elephant feel offended being equated with cats? If I was Jumbo I would follow the law of the jungle and trample all over them for pride’s sake. Sorry, sidetracked again.

Evidently sleep helps revive certain parts of the human anatomy contributing to living a few more years.

To make it easy for us dumb asses they point to tests done on mice given sleep induced medication. When they awake they’re more active. And live longer. Active? Breed like rabbits? Can’t be, rabbits have no time for sleep. Cat naps? Forget it, they too have their pride.

Seriously, the bad news is that ongoing sleep deficiency is linked to an increased risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and strokes.

But I believe, probably in ignorance, there’s different strokes for different folk. Take me, nearing the eina eighties: two heart attacks, polyps in my bladder, tonsils yanked out, gout in my left big toe, cataracts in both eyes gouged out, a torn meniscus on my left leg and bouts of pneumonia. And not forgetting cyclical expanding and contracting piles. Oh, and the trots. And I’m still alive. I have never taken regular cat naps. I’m impartial to cats, and secondly, I’m scared I won’t wake up and find myself in some foreign territory, having reunions with old enemies who’ve gone before. Like the farmer from whom I stole my Heidi. He would surely clobber me over the head with his harp. Or impale me with a pitch fork.

Birds? Politicians? Horse droppings? Cats? Mice? Farmers?

Sleepless nights for how much longer?