Man living in between

SIYA KHUMALO: GROWING UP TO LIVE AN OPEN AND FRUITFUL GAY LIFE Author’s quest to challenge the minds of people through religion, politics and sexuality.

Avictim of his curiosity, author and blogger Siya Khumalo, 31, is a man on a mission to change and challenge the minds of society on religion, politics and sexuality.

Born in KwaZulu-Natal to a liberal family, Khumalo grew up in a world of choice and opportunity. He was among the first in his family to attend a multiracial school which exposed him to diversity (the acceptance of new things with in a limited space).

It was also about the same time that the he discovered something different about himself compared to other boys. “I grew up in a family that didn’t have any of the popular labels, in fact, we were living between [them].

“By that I mean, we were living a western life but not fully immersed in the culture yet at the same time immersed in the Zulu culture but not practicing the lifestyle.” Having struggled with accepting his sexuality at a young age, he found solace in therapy which helped him later to confide to his mother and sister. “I had a lot of chronic illnesses growing up and it was a way of my body making me aware of myself,” he said. “However, I outgrew them later in my childhood because my mother was wise to listen to the family doctor who suggested I go to a child psychologist to help me deal with the person I am.” Being a first-generation Model C gay boy, coming to terms with his new reality would expose him to years of bullying and torment from other school children and his neighbourhood. As a result, Khumalo found his escape hatch in the library where he would read up on his sexuality and other issues around it. The dawn of high school brought with it new and exciting developments for Khumalo, who was then fully at ease within his skin. “At high school I knew I was gay, after I had used the tools I had learnt from my sessions when I was 12. At 14, I was fully ready to explore – sexually,” he said. “However, I rather chose to wait and rather educate myself.”

Nevertheless, with his newly found confidence came pressures and opinions about his lifestyle from a place which he had considered to be a safe haven – the church.

Naive of what was meant by the teaching regarding the “sins of Sodom and Gomorrah”, the now adolescent Khumalo found himself at loggerheads with the Bible, or rather how it was interpreted.

He said: “I didn’t take Christianity seriously enough; in my defence, I had grown up in full exposure of the many spheres and churches under the Christian umbrella, and my mother had always said that one should not take Biblical scriptures literally but rather as an aid to guide and assist.

“During my teen years, though, I found myself uneasy with the church and how people like myself were perceived to be not of God. This awakened me to the fact that like race, sex and gender, religion could also be used as a tool to discriminate and oppress.”

At the height of his teenage life, Khumalo found himself going back into a depressed state of mind, motivated by the different opinions which both society and the church had about him and other people like him.

Fast-forward five years later, Khumalo has released a memoir titled You have to be Gay to know God – a book that opens up dialogue about sex, homosexuality and religion yet at the same time telling a narrative story about growing up and living a gay life.