Go for honest, not brutal
TELL THE TRUTH: WHEN TALKING, REALISE THAT YOUR OPINIONS ARE NOT NECESSARILY FACT
Start a business conversation and end by asking the other person’s perspective.
We have all heard someone say, “I just tell it like it is” and they believe this should excuse hurtful, mean or brutal behaviour.
Helene Vermaak, business director at The Human Edge says there is no need to be brutal when you are being honest. 1. “The first step is knowing what it means to be honest,” says Vermaak. “Just because you believe something doesn’t make it the ultimate truth.” Rather separate the facts from the stories you are telling yourself. Understanding completely what the other person said or did will help you do this. To be influential in a conversation, you need to focus on the facts – what you
Your beliefs don’t make it the ultimate truth.
saw, heard or observed. 2. When engaging in a conversation with high stakes you need to be able to separate the facts from stories. “Your strong opinions do not make facts,” says Vermaak. “By making our opinions seem like facts we are wanting to add more substance to our views and coerce those around us to agree with us,” says Vermaak. We need to remind ourselves of the difference – facts are certain;
Share opinions as opinions, and not as facts.
stories and opinions can be changed or moulded.
The following phrases can be used:
“It seems to me…” rather than “The fact of the matter is…”
“The last three times …” rather than “You never try…”
“I’m starting to think that…” rather than “You don’t have any clue about…” 3. When being honest you do not have to express negative emotions. Being honest
Realise that honesty is not what you think it is.
means you are clearer, more specific, sincere and, above all, authentic. Honesty is when you effectively state the facts you have observed and your honest perspective of these.
These tips can assist in conducting honest conversations:
Start with heart – decide what you want to get out of the discussion Share the facts! Tell your story – this is your opinion of the situation. Ask for the other person’s perspective.